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Get Over It, Hugh Hefner Might Die Soon

Before we get into this, first let me remind you that Hugh Hefner is 90 years old. Without the aid of modern medicine, the man would be long dead by now.

It’s a medical miracle that he is still here allegedly boning chicks every night and living his best cis white male life. But rumors are circulating now. It’s been quite some time since we’ve seen Hugh out in public and according to a Page Six source:

He looks like he is down to around 90 pounds and super sick. His people are really trying to keep this under wraps. You even have to sign a confidentiality agreement to go up to see him.

I believe it. Aren’t you fascinated by the neuroses of the rich, over-fucked and famous? Nevertheless, his reps are insisting that the Playboy is in good health:

Hugh Hefner is fine. It is no secret that over the past few years he has suffered with back pain that has made it a bit more challenging for him to get around, but at 90 years of age he is enjoying his life and still very involved in the day-to-day activities of editing the magazine.

Back pain. I hear you. Carrying the burden of hundreds of breast implants in one’s face can be too much for one man. Along with the rumors aligning quite nicely with a man of Hefner’s maturity, they also seem to confirm gossip first fueled by model Carla Howe last year:

Hef is so frail, he goes everywhere with a group of nurses.

He’s simply too old to fuck. Just leave the man alone.

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