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Kim Kardashian Bound, Gagged & Held at Gunpoint in Paris Robbery

Wow, here’s one time you actually feel sorry for Kim Kardashian. Kardashian was in Paris for Fashion Week when her world got turned upside down.

According to the French Interior Ministry, five armed, masked men, dressed as police officers, broke into her private Paris apartment Sunday night after handcuffing and threatening the concierge with a weapon. Right about then, that concierge wish he had called in sick.

Once inside, two of the masked men found Kardashian and bound and gagged her while holding her at gunpoint.

According to an E! News source, “she begged for them to let her live and [said] she has babies at home. Then they wrapped her mouth in tape and put her in the bathtub.” Daaamn. I would’ve pissed my pants by then. Every secret recipe would’ve been given up at that point.

The source also said Kardashian thought for sure they would kill her.

“Vere eez zee money!!” they presumably shouted at her. That’s our dramatic recreation of what happened.

They robbed Kim of her rings and jewelry, worth an estimated $5.6 million. Once they left, Kardashian wriggled free out of her hand and feet bindings and escaped.  Her rep says shes “badly shaken but physically unharmed.”

Where was Kanye? He cut his concert short in NYC and immediately left the stage once he heard word of what happened.

Most amusingly, the five criminals got away on bicycles. So we’re looking for some eco-friendly robbers.

Not surprisngly, Kardashian got the hell out of Paris after giving an interview to the Paris police.

How bad you think the Kardashians will milk this? After counting the exclusive TV interviews, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians plotlines, the press and public sympathy, Kim Kardashian will probably think getting tied up and robbed isn’t so bad after all.

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Bullshit on Kanye. He probably left the stage early because everyone in the fucking city didn’t stand in reverence to his presence.

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