Kim Kardashian Building a $100k Panic Room

Poor Kim Kardashian. Last year her ass blew up the internet. This year she almost got her ass blown up in a Paris robbery. It’s almost enough to feel sorry for her, but nah. She’ll live. There were theories going around that she faked the whole robbery as a stunt of some sort. Maybe for her show. That’s a little far-fetched. Getting bound and gagged is no joke, especially when it’s involuntary.

Anyway, Kardashian has got a case of PTSD, or what old school tough guys call, the ‘blues’. So much so that she’s building herself a $100,000 panic room. That’s more than you’ll ever save up in your lifetime.

Daily Mail reports that it’ll have “a large room, a bathroom and cameras.” An insider also said to the site “[t]t will be made to withstand a fire of over 1,000 degrees and a 7.0 earthquake.” 7.0 eh? What happens when Khloe walks by though? It’ll topple like Tokyo when Godzilla arrived. Also, 1,000 degrees isn’t nearly enough for Khloe’s breath.

Back to Kim’s PTSD. She’s got a therapist on call 24 hours a day. Kim does not sound like she’s doing well.

She’s been suffering severe panic attacks and refuses to be alone. She’s been having flashbacks and nightmares. She’s a nervous wreck. She gets especially anxious late at night.

You know what she needs? Journaling. I heard that helps. She should write her thoughts down in a nice spiral bound notebook. Kardashian could ask herself, “What am I feeling today? How will I proactively overcome this fear?” And then get a Glock and shoot any stranger who comes within 10 feet of her.