ESC

Xander Cage Is Back Even Though Nobody Was Asking Where He Was

All three of you and that guy downing energy drinks like no tomorrow will be happy to know that your favorite exxxtreme sports spy, Vin Diesel, will be back in a xXx sequel titled xXx: Return of Xander Cage. Much like Cage himself, the title is rather unoriginal but exxxtreme-ly long.

Do you like skiing? Do you like sweet ass extreme skiing? Do you like jungles? Yo, you’re gonna love this. They combined all those for you in this movie!

The ADHD afflicted 10-year-olds that the movie is targeting are going to be so hyped about this… once their dads sit them down to explain what the original 2002 movie was about while forcing them to chug Red Bulls.

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