Trump Team Unsuccessfully Using Cash And Government Post Bribes To Hook Big Name Inauguration Singers

Since no worthwhile singer on earth is willing to perform at the inauguration of President Business from The Lego Movie, Drumpf’s band of Nazis is having to go to special lengths to hook a performer.

Bookers spoke with The Wrap, saying they were promised bribes of cash and even potentially diplomatic posts if they could hook Drumpf up with a big name performer for his inauguration.

Drumpf’s team denied it in a statement of course:

“There is no truth to this insinuation. First-class entertainers are eager to participate in the inaugural events. The inauguration as a whole will be an exciting and uniting celebration of freedom and democracy. We will be releasing further details at the appropriate time.”

The source said that they turned down the offer of a bullshit diplomatic post on the condition that they got Beyonce, even though they have been the past inauguration musical hook uptime and time again. Probably out of the knowledge that Donald Drumpf lies the way a horse shits, and they would get no return out of playing that game.

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