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‘The Bachelor’ Power Rankings: Week 3

I’ve never seen an episode of The Bachelor because I have a life but now I don’t so I thought it’d be fitting to do a power ranking of contestants every week. Why? Because I like frustration and sighing.

For this season of The Bachelor, we have a dude who’s been on this show… three… four times? I don’t know. His name is Nick Viall and he’s a salesman or whatever. That’s about as much history as I have but seeing as how he’s failed however many times already, dude has problems.

The season started with 30 contestants and, by Week 3, they’ve already been whittled down to 17. It was supposed to be 18, but Dominque was axed this week for seriously bringing down the mood. My reason, not Nick’s.

This is as good as time as any to start the power rankings as most personalities have started to come out so here’s my power rankings for Week 3.

1.  Danielle M. (Child nurse person)

She’s the only normal girl in the group but didn’t get a lot of airtime Week 3. She did go on a one-on-one date Week 2 and it went sort of well. I’m declaring her the dark horse.

2. Danielle L.

Danielle L. won the dance competition this week. And how! That counts for something right?

3. Corinne (Runs a multi-million dollar company with her nanny)

This girl is a bag of nuts but she manages to shove a tit into Nick’s face every 5 minutes so I’m expecting Nick or the producers to keep her on for at least another week or more. That or she’s going to be axed because of the aforementioned reasons. I mean, she did sleep through the rose ceremony.

4. Vanessa (French-Canadian-Italian)

Threw up in zero gs. Still managed to makeout with Nick. She drops a couple places after calling him out for enabling Corrine.

5. Jasmine (Cheerleader, I mean, professional dancer)

I don’t know. Seems like a good rank though.

6. Rachel (Attorney)

She “won” the competition and got a rose or something. She will do what it takes to win as evidenced by her almost breaking Astrid’s hand with her foot. Damn, she’s savage.

7. Astrid (Plastic surgery person)

Came in last during the competition. Still managed to win. Got into a hot tub with Nick. Made out with him. She probably needs a double sports bra. Need I say more?

8. Alexis (Dolphin girl)

She didn’t make any dolphin noises this week so +++.

9. Jaimi (Septum piercing)

She seems alright. Not much else to go on.

10. Taylor

She’s getting airtime. And for that reason alone, she’s in 10th.

11. Sarah (Grade school teacher)

Maybe too normal

12. Raven (Midwest girl)

Not enough information but she’s also not crazy.

13. Kristina (Russian hygienist)

Has good teeth. Also confusing Russian accent. This will get her far enough.

14. Josephine (Santa Cruz girl)

She drops down after singing that song at the end of Week 3’s episode. I know there’s editing but Nick looked slightly worried.

15. Christen (The girl who knew that other girl’s secret)

She may actually need to drop a couple more ranks.

16. Brittany

Uh, who?

17. Whitney (Pilates)

Again. Uh, who?

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