Reddit is a fantastic place on the internet. The co-founder is about to marry Serena Williams, so the site must be doing something right for someone.
Recently, a subreddit popped up that asked a simple question. “Has anyone had a celebrity NSFW encounter?” The answers were fantastic.
Met Gary Busey at an airport in Tulsa, OK. Through a strange course of conversation in which he insulted nearly everyone, he ended with a joke:
Gary: “Did you every hear about the poor family?”
Me: “No.”
Gary: “They were so poor, they had to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.”
He then chuckled to himself, grabbed the next taxi, and left us speechless.
That might be the best “your family so poor” joke I’ve ever heard.
Friend was pissing next to shaq at a club in Miami. Of course he can’t keep his eyes on the road, and tried to sneak a peek at shaqs junk. Shaq turns to him, smiles and says “crazy right? Big ni**a, regular Dick”
Shaq so white.
Ezekiel Elliott of the Dallas Cowboys doesn’t sound so great.
Ezekiel Elliott told me to go f**k myself
I was at Park Street Saloon, a popular bar at Ohio State, waiting in line to go upstairs. He walked past the line and had to walk between me and the person in front of me to get upstairs. As he passed us, I tapped him on the shoulder and wished him good luck for Saturday’s game. He turned around and said, “Don’t you ever fucking touch me. Go f**k yourself.” and walked away.
Jon Jones told my friend the same thing.
Not an isolated incident for Ezekiel, as another Redditor said “Sorry man, I went to college in Ohio and am still friends with quite a few people who know Zeke, they’ve all said he’s an asshole or cocky jerk.”
I ran into Danny McBride at the San Diego Comic Con this year. I was riding the elevator alone in my hotel, when it stops on the floor of the big celebrity party going on that night. The door opens, and standing right there is Danny McBride, Jody Hill, and a few of their friends.
I freaked out. I immediately yelled, “Oh my god. It’s Kenny Fucking Powers!” I saw plenty of celebrities that weekend, but he is the only one I saw that I fangirled out on.
He was wasted. His friends were, too. I asked him for a picture, even though it was a struggle to get the words out. He grabbed my phone, and took a half dozen selfies of all of us in the elevator. All I could muster, over and over, was “Kenny Fucking Powers!” He handed me back my phone, put his hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eye, and made some joke about me trying to take a nice vacation and not even knowing comiccon was going to be on that weekend. I put my hands on his waist, so we were positioned like a couple of slow-dancing 8th graders, and said, one final time, “it’s Kenny Fucking Powers!”
It took me a good hour to get over the adrenaline rush, and I now love him more than ever.
This would be my reaction to Danny McBride as well.
My friend pantsed (full pantsing with penis out and the whole shabang) his brother and James Franco saw everything. It was near where John Lennon was shot, by that patch of flowers (can’t remember what it’s called). His brother was wearing a James Franco selfie Tshirt while we were in NYC.
Franco pointed at his shirt and did like a finger gun and wink thing (sounds weird but looked really cool at the time). Then his brother said “James Fucking Franco just winked at me” and then he got pantsed. Franco’s eyes bulged a bit and he started laughing and shaking his head. He never broke pace, just kept walking. After he was a ways past us he loudly said ‘rockin shirt man’
Edit: Sometimes I lay awake at night wishing I would have been the one who was pantsed. Imagine being able to tell your grandkids that THEE James Franco saw your throbbing penis in NYC. The wind softly blowing across your exposed schlong, as a smile forms on Franco’s face. Imagine being the center of James Franco’s world, if only but for a second. I know as soon as he graced me with his wink, the blood would rush to the tip of my penis, and then the climax as my pants drop. Just imagine.
That one sounds a little too perfect.
I saw Kim Kardashian’s sex tape
That comment was my favorite. Because you know it’s 100% true. I’m not saying that every story in that thread is a lie (the Danny McBride one has visual evidence), but it’s easy to lie on the internet. Hope that isn’t breaking news for anyone.
If you’re snowed in this weekend like a lot of will be on East Coast, spend a couple of hours going through the thread. Even if some are fake, they are still worth a laugh.
[Image: Reddit]