Despite help from Chuck Norris and other Texas Rangers, the case of Tom Brady’s Missing Super Bowl Jersey has yet to be solved. Have no fear, Brady himself is here.

Brady has compiled quite the list of suspects there. Many of them are dead or fictional, so you would think that we would be able to rule them out, but not so fast my friends. We’re living in a world where Donald Trump is president and the Atlanta Falcons blew a 25 point lead in the Super Bowl. I’m not ready to rule out dead and fictional characters in this world. Cause this world is fucking crazy.

The two most prime suspects would appear to be Julian Edelman and Lady Gaga. Both were at the scene of the crime and had access to the jersey. However, I rule that Creepy Tom Brady is the perpetrator of theft. How is this possible, I invite you all to watch this fast forwarded episode of Spongebob Square Pants:

As you can see, it’s entirely possible that Creepy Tom Brady came to life and stole the jersey. It’s the perfect crime. And he would have gotten away with it too. If it wasn’t for another suspect on the board and Tom Brady.

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