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Val Kilmer Relives His Most Bizarre Celebrity Moments

Val Kilmer is something special. The guy’s been battling some sort of throat ailment, which totally sucks. It’s robbed him of his voice. Watching all these big time stars face their mortality. Ugggh… Luckily, Kilmer’s mind is still producing some real gems. You need to read his Twitter feed to see.

A few days ago, Kilmer took us on a trip through his semi-obsession with Cate Blanchett. It’s a must read. Kilmer fawned over Cate Blanchett in multiple tweets. His pants were practically down by his ankles. If there was an emoji for that, Kilmer would’ve used it.

Rather than drag Kilmer on his Cate Blanchett obsession, let’s celebrate all his amazing celebrity encounters recounted in his Twitter feed.

When 50 Cent gave him an ‘N’ word pass

Kilmer’s tweet:

Once filming w/50 Cent my character had a line w/ the Nword. He said “Go ahead and say it I give u permission” It wouldn’t come out my face.

Even with the pass, Kilmer refused to use it. I wouldn’t have used that pass either.

The two worked on Gun together.

That’s probably the filming that Kilmer’s talking about. 50 Cent gifted Kilmer a 1965 Chevy Impala.

Writing about the muscle car, Kilmer said:

Once 50 Cent gave me a red muscle car because I loved my 69 GTO. Inside th trunk said #GUNIT and was FILLED w/amps and subwoofers. I wept.

It was so amazing Kilmer’s kids practically called 50 Cent daddy. Kilmer said “he knows how close I am with my kids. And it was actually cruel that he would take over as the centerpiece of their affections with an object.”

Winona Ryder invited him to a Grammys party. It was a sausage fest.

Kilmer tweeted:

Once I was at the #grammyparty n #Winonaryder invited me to her party. So of course. I get there and I swear it’s #u2 #ryanadams + ALL GUYS!

U2, Ryan Adams…and then Val Kilmer. Ryder supposedly dated Kilmer. They made out years ago.

They probably did it too. Why wouldn’t they.

The thought of a sausage fest in Hollywood amuses me. All those models in Hollywood and still just a bunch of dudes standing around.

Angelina Jolie flew Kilmer home on a private jet

Here Val wrote:

Once Angelina Jolie gave me a ride home on a jet. I surprised her by filling it w/gardenias. She’d also brought a French actor. He was mad.

Ok, usually I say thank you when getting a ride, but celebs live life differently. Can’t imagine why you’d need to fill the jet with gardenias. What if she has allergies? Maybe he knew they were her favorite flowers (FYI: they’re not. She loves orchids, and evidently rubber sheets for sex. Ok.)

Turns out the two were rumored to be dating. Kilmer is the man. Seriously. Angelina Jolie AND Winona Ryder? Yea, but now he has throat cancer or some other throat disease, so there’s that.

The two co-starred in Alexander. The tabloids said he loved that “her role as a single mom and her work for the United Nations.” That explains the gardenias. The guy was looking to get some.

I’d love to know who the French actor was. Maybe it was Gerard Depardieu. Kilmer wrecked Depardieu’s game.

When Kilmer demanded Bob Dylan sing for him

Kilmer wrote:

Once Bob Dylan came over to hang. So flattered. He kept askin for Doc Holiday quotes. I said “Ok sing some #Blowininthewind 1st”. Wrong ans!

Doc Holiday’s from Tombstone, a movie Kilmer shot in 1993. How old is this story?? I’ve never seen that movie and only vaguely heard of it. But dude, Dylan’s a legend. If he wants you to be a monkey and recite some quotes, do it twice.

Also, Bob Dylan randomly comes over to hang with Kilmer? Hollywood’s a pretty random and awesome place.

Carly Simon woke up and sang to him. He cried

Once Carly Simon awoke me in her guest bedroom w/bfast and an acoustic guitar- played me a new song she’d just written. I wept. An angel…

Kilmer’s chillin’ in Simon’s guest bedroom. Why? And she comes in, unannounced, and serenades him. I want to be a Hollywood star.

Kilmer tickled Lou Reed to cheer him up

Kilmer tweeted out:

Once I tickled cool #LouReed @ a dinner I threw for him. He leaned in and said “I kno martial arts” So talented, but so tortured by his dad.

He must’ve loved this story a lot because he tweeted it out four years earlier.

I once tickled Lou Reed. I regretted it for the longest while as he spoke to me few times after that dinner. But I’m glad now. He needed it.

Lou Reed was a dour man. No one can resist getting tickled by Iceman though.

All these tweets prove celebrities have awesome lives, way better than yours. Also that Val Kilmer needs to keep tweeting and sharing his Hollywood stories. It’s like a look into the hot dog factory.

[Image: Val Kilmer Twitter]

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