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Who Wants to See a Britney Spears Sex Tape? Don’t Answer That

Mischa Barton’s sex tape is so last week. Now we’ve all moved on to the Britney Spears sex tape that I’m not quite sure is real.

According to Radar, the tape shows, “Spears topless while smoking what looks like a joint and gyrating on top of a secret lover.” Spears is reportedly “totally mortified and not coping well at all” over the leak.

Radar claims to have viewed the footage, but until something substantial comes out, I’m not buying any of it. I remember a report of a Britney Spears sex tape like fifteen years ago when I was a teenager and I thought it was going to be the greatest moment of my life. Then, nothing came out. And it was the first time my heart broke.

I expect nothing to happen, and I hope nothing happens. Britney is a mom and seems to have her head on straight. Can’t these hackers focus on celebrities who weren’t mental messes? They’ve been through enough.

Now seems like an appropriate time to bust this old classic out.

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