Brad Pitt’s Exes Are Coming Out of the Shadows to Date Him

Now that Brad Pitt has been set free, he’s become the most eligible bachelor to age 40 and above celebrities, and also, 20-something adults who sort of know that he once was People‘s “Sexiest Man Alive”. Everyone’s clamoring to link Pitt to someone, anyone. They can’t imagine that perhaps Pitt wants to quietly vape and sculpt to his heart’s delight.

Recent rumors includes flirtations with co-star Sienna Miller. Now sources say Pitt’s actively dating. He keeps it on the down low though. He keeps his kids priority number one. That’s understandable.

Not only that, old ex-girlfriends have come forward to poke at the tires.

Pitt has been hit on by some women, stalked by others, and he has suddenly been contacted by exes, the list of which is said to include Kate Hudson, Juliette Lewis, Christina Applegate, Thandie Newton and Gwyneth Paltrow.

That list is all over age 40 excluding Kate Hudson. She’s close though, clocking in at 37.

Sorry to break their hearts, but this source says Brad has no interest in them.

“No partying, no fun. Just work and parenting.”

Translation: Casting for early 20’s, models, no wrinkles. Apply within.

Don’t feel too bad for Angelina Jolie. Supposedly, she has her own mystery meat. According to Hollywood Life (and take them with a HUGE grain of salt), she’s been crushing on a guy for awhile, even during her marriage with Brad.

“He has a generous, philanthropic spirit…He also has political ambitions which she loves. Angie feels her new guy, if it works out, could propel her out of Hollywood and into the next phase of her life — the serious political arena.”

Who could this be? Sounds like someone outside of Hollywood. It might also be Jolie’s publicist lying to make it seem like Jolie has something going on with her life.

In fact, I bet Pitt’s publicist lied about him having exes come out of the woodwork.

These two likely sit at home right now and eat out of tubs of ice cream in their underwear. Join the club!