Why Chris Pratt Won’t Take A Picture With You

Chris Pratt just wants to be a chill normal guy. If he wanted to do that, he should have stayed fat and gotten a job managing an A&P probably. People would cut their own hands off to get the attention of the many interchangeable, thin white Hollywood people, in the most dehumanizing and disrespectful way.

In a recent interview with Cigar Aficionado, he talked all about why he won’t take pics with fans.

“I’ve always been a pretty deferential, go-with-the-flow guy. But now I have to be economical with my time. If I go out and want to do normal things, I have to be comfortable disappointing people.”

If Chris Pratt wants to get better at being comfortable disappointing people, I can help. A family raised me and I grew up to be a fucking writer. And I’m not even sorry about it.

“So I just don’t take pictures with people. Because that’s not about enjoying the moment; it’s about stealing the moment to brag about later. So I say, ‘Would you settle for a handshake?’ And then they take the picture anyway.”

Ugh. People.