ESC

United Is Now Killing Giant Rabbits

It’s a pretty bad month to be United Airlines. We all know about the passenger incident from a few weeks ago, but when they’re not beating up doctors and throwing them off the plane, they are killing rabbits. Not just any rabbits, WORLD RECORD RABBITS!

Simon, a Continental Giant rabbit and the offspring of Darius, the record holder for longest rabbit, was found dead after a United flight from England to Chicago. Maybe he found out he was going to Chicago and was like, “I should probably get this over with now?”

Annette Edwards, Simon’s breeder, said that Simon went for a check-up and was determined to be in good health for travel. He was traveling to the U.S. because Edwards found a buyer for him. Good job, United, you’ve ruined our main source of giant rabbit imports.

United released the follow statement, which they’ve had to copy and paste a lot this month.

“We were saddened to hear this news. The safety and well-being of all the animals that travel with us is of the utmost importance to United Airlines and our PetSafe team. We have been in contact with our customer and have offered assistance. We are reviewing this matter.”

I was at the airport last week. I watched as bags and pets went from one plane to another. Those people don’t give a shit about your stuff. They throw it down the slide stacked on top of each other, have everything slam into each other, and just toss it around like it’s nothing. This poor rabbit was probably crushed by someone’s 70-pound suitcase.

The solution to all of this needs to be a dedicated airline for animals. Just think about it.

[Image: Wikipedia]

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