ESC

Helping United Airlines in Their Time of Need

By now you’ve read about how United Airlines had to “re-accommodate” a “randomly chosen” passenger who wouldn’t “voluntarily” give up their seat for airline staff. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any Pepsis to handout to avoid all this ugliness and, instead, received a busted mouth along with a concussion after he was ripped from his seat and dragged unconscious off the plane. And not minutes after, escaping back onto the plane delirious and repeating “kill me now” and “I want to go home” over and over as blood dribbled out of his mouth from the assault he suffered.

Needless to say, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has a real PR nightmare on his hands. Just last month, he was named PRWeek U.S. Communicator of the Year. Today, he’s being criticized for the callous way he described the forceful removal of a non-violent passenger on his airline. Using the word “re-accommodate” to describe the assault that happened to one of his passengers was troubling to say the least.

Well, don’t worry, Oscar Munoz. I’m here to help. The best way to improve public perception is with a well thought out ad campaign. And I’m just the man to do it. For free, even!

First, we start with a catchy slogan. I’ve compiled a cursory list. To preface, they’re not all winners.

  • United. We’re not Pepsi.
  • United. We have to go home, we have to go home, too.
  • United. Re-accommodating you since 2017.
  • United. There is no doctor in the house.
  • United. Hey, how about that Pepsi ad?
  • United. Our #1 priority is customer loyalty. #2 is beating them.
  • United. Who’ll volunteer as tribute?
  • United. We’re not going to ask you twice.

I think that’s a good start. Second, we need eye-catching imagery to really draw people to our copy. Stock photography isn’t authentic. You know what is authentic? Real people. Real customers. Real experiences. Let’s go through some options.

A relaxing, unconscious drag through the aisles of United. Doesn’t seem engaging enough though.

A loyal customer gripping to the curtains of a United flight because he loves flying with United so much he doesn’t want to leave. The blood dripping out of his mouth after cops threw him into an armrest because he wouldn’t give up his seat which he paid for and was only offered a $800 flight voucher for might be a little too provocative, however.

Don’t we want to reach the millennial market? Millennials love gifs. How about this one of a loyal customer running up and down the aisles in pure terror joy.

Hm, I’m still not sure. You know what? Let’s keep it simple. United’s old slogan, “Fly the friendly skies,” evoked just the right amount of emotion. But their old imagery was really lacking and the photo choices above don’t seem to quite capture their friendliness.

Ah, wait. I’ve got it.

I think we have ourselves a winner. United. This one’s on me.

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