Forget Healthcare, Eat Boogers

Kids, rejoice. Parents, forget everything you’ve ever known about parenting. It turns out, that it’s just fine to eat your boogers. Not only are they an enjoyable quick snack, they are healthy for you. No more wasting your money on protein bars and the like. Just dig up your nose for a free meal.

This groundbreaking study comes courtesy of scientists who conducted research at Harvard and MIT. They concluded that boogers help your immune system fight respiratory infections, stomach ulcers, and HIV. That’s right, “boogers contain ‘a rich reservoir of good bacteria’ that helps defend against illness when ingested, just like medicine does.” Not only do you now have to spend money on snacks, you don’t have to spend money on medicine. BOOGERS ARE FREE HEALTHCARE!

There are even talks that there will be booger toothpaste and chewing gum. Alright, that’s where I draw the line. Eating my own boogers? Fine. Chewing booger gum and brushing my teeth with boogers? I don’t know who those boogers came out of. All boogers are not created equally.

I can’t wait until we discover that eating crayons, glue, and dirt are healthy for you as well.

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