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Man Who Killed His Girlfriend Claims She Choked on His Bomb Dick

Richard Henry Patterson, 65, is accused of strangling his fiancee, Francisca Martinez, to death. He’s not even denying he did it but is saying it was an accident that happened because of his monster schlong.

Surprising to no one, this shit is playing out in Florida, American’s wacky erect penis.

Obviously.

Patterson’s lawyer is trying to have the jury inspect Patterson’s dick for themselves, so they can make a legal call on just how much of a murder weapon it is.

From News.com:

“Dr. (Ronald) Wright, an expert witness and former Broward County medical examiner, will testify that … her death is consistent with being accidentally sexually asphyxiated during oral sex,” Mr Padowitz wrote in a motion submitted to court, the Sun Sentinel reported.

“It is material and relevant,” lawyer Ken Padowitz wrote in the motion. “The view by the jury is essential for them to fully understand Dr. Wright’s testimony and the defence in this case.”

This raises a lot of questions for me. Not that I, a virginal flower who is too precious for this world and has dedicated myself, body and soul to Christ, have ever sucked a dick, but purely hypothetically speaking, there’s no fucking way he didn’t know she was dying.

There’s not a fine line between some crying and gagging while sucking a dick and you shitting yourself and going cold as your soul departs your body.

If this dude didn’t notice the chick gagging on his dick literally turning blue and ceasing to move while he skull fucked her, he deserves to be locked up.

His lawyer is convinced that once they all see how big his dick is they’ll know he didn’t mean it, but by 65 if your dick is that fat you should have figured out how to wield it in a way that doesn’t make me wonder if you’re the fucking Zodiac Killer.

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