Dear Bella Thorne, Don’t Turn Out Like Lindsay Lohan — An Open Letter

Dear Bella Thorne,

I hope you’re well. I heard you had a rough week at Cannes. I don’t know much about Cannes because I’m not rich and famous, but it sounds like a fun time if you hang out with the right people. It doesn’t sound like you were hanging out with the right people.

Why were you hanging out with Scott Disick? Have you never turned on a television? I try my best to avoid anything relating to the Kardashians and even I know that this guy is bad news. He looks like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. That seems like reason enough to stay away. I’m not even sure he has a job. I think he’s just famous because he’s famous, which is the worst kind of fame. He’s like 20 years older than you and has three kids. Why would you even begin to flirt with him?

I know you’re really hot. You like to flaunt yourself around endlessly on Snapchat. I’m all for it. We live in an age where women can express how hot they are easier than ever. If that’s how you want to present yourself, more power to you. You’re 19, you’re famous, and you’re hot. I’d probably be all over Snapchat myself. But you have to be smarter, Bella.

Have you ever heard of Lindsay Lohan? She’s 30 now, but I feel like you’re probably heard of her. I see too much Lindsay in you and that’s not a good thing. Lindsay got too famous, too fast. She was young, famous, hot, and could do no wrong.

Mean Girls is one of the greatest films ever. Every girl was jealous of how she looked and her popularity. Every guy dreamt about her. She used her looks and fame to get anything she wanted. She loved the attention. She flaunted her sexuality. She partied a lot, she made out with girls, and she was on the top of the world.

Unfortunately, her lifestyle caught up with her. She made some bad movies, got into trouble with the law, and is now practicing ten different religions in hopes that someone pays attention to her.

I feel like you’re going down this path. Your “I don’t give a f**k” attitude seems really cool right now when you’re 19, but that attitude won’t work in a couple of years. Sooner or later, everything will catch up to you. All of the flaunting for attention and the rumored partying won’t end well. People will get tired of it. It’ll start to come off as desperate as the media turns their attention to the next hot thing. It’s going to happen. It’s the circle of pop culture life.

I don’t want you to stop being you. I just want you to slow down a bit. Make better choices. Realize that you’re talented and you don’t need to hook up with the Scott Disicks of the world to stay relevant. Your show Famous in Love is pretty good. Let that bring you attention.

I’m saying all of this because I want you to be famous for another 20-30 years. Lohan’s peak rivaled any peak in Hollywood history. But her downfall is one of the saddest events I’ve ever witnessed as a pop culture expert. I don’t want you to go through that same downfall. I don’t want to be in parents’ basement ten years from now writing the headline, “Bella Thorne caught shoplifting at CVS.”

Keep doing you, baby boo. Just be a little more low-key about it.

Your Friend,
Jeremy Lambert