Good News for Rapists Everywhere, Bill Cosby Not Going to Jail

In a victory for sexual assault supporters everywhere, Bill Cosby avoided peddling jailhouse pudding pops. The jury in his sexual assault case against Andrea Constand deadlocked and the case was declared a mistrial. SMH.

Five women and seven men spent almost three days pondering if giving someone sleeping pills and then fondling and putting their hand inside the other person’s vagina constituted sexual assault. Spoiler: It does not.

The jury seemed to focus on “reasonable doubt.” On Friday, they asked the judge for the definition the words. By doing so, it “raised the question of whether some jurors are hoping to convince one or more others that any doubt they have expressed is unreasonable.”

When they came back Saturday and said, “Nah bruh, we just can’t agree,” the judge declared a mistrial. Lady Justice just slowly moved her hand to cover up her vagina.

Montgomery County District Attorney Kevin Steele said they’d retry the case.

“We will evaluate and review our case. We will take a hard look at everything involved and then we will retry it,” he vowed.

“We hope that doing this and moving forward in this case sends a strong message that victims of these type of crimes can come forward and can be heard,” he said.

What, so you can lose it again? I guess.

Cosby’s wife, Camille Cosby, issued a statement read by her publicist:

“I’m grateful to any of the jurors who tenaciously fought to review the evidence which is the rightful way to make a sound decision. Ultimately that is a manifestation of justice based on facts, not lies…”


Cosby’s spokesman, Andrew Wyatt, must seriously be on drugs when he said:

“Kevin Steele should have never brought this case forward. It should have never have happened…He has used Mr. Cosby’s name, credibility, his good name, to catapult his ambitions — maybe to attorney general. Maybe he wants Jeff Sessions’ job and wants to get Trump to appoint him.”

Uhh, what?  Ok.

Cosby avoids 30 years in jail, but Hollywood will still avoid him like the plague. Maybe. They always forgive. Remember Mel Gibson and “sugar tits“? It took Hollywood 10 years to let him back in their club. If ranting against Jews gets you a 10-year ban from Hollywood, what does sexual assault give you? Don’t be surprised if there’s ever a “Bill Cosby Valentine’s Day Special.”

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