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Bill Cosby Is Ready to Tell the World How to Get Away With Sexual Assault

Bill Cosby is a free man after his mistrial and he’s learned from his mistakes. Now that he’s not sitting in jail for sexual assault, he’s going to embark on a national tour that tells people how they can avoid sitting in jail for sexual assault.

Here’s what spokesman Andrew Wyatt had to say:

“This is bigger than Bill Cosby,” Wyatt told the anchor. “This issue can affect any young person, especially young athletes of today, and they need to know what they’re facing when they’re hanging out and partying, when they’re doing certain things they shouldn’t be doing.”

“And it also affects married men,” he added.

You wanna know how to not get accused of sexual assault? Don’t commit sexual assault.

Cosby is not only going to tell you how to avoid sexual assault situations, he’s also going to tell you about the laws. Here’s what PR specialist Ebonee Benson said:

“Laws are changing,” she said. “The statute of limitations for victims of sexual assault are being extended, so this is why people need to be educated on a brush against a shoulder, anything at this point can be considered sexual assault. It’s a good thing to be educated about the laws.”

How is Cosby even going to go on this tour when he’s blind? Or, now that the trial is over, can he magically see again? The best thing that could happen through all of this, besides Cosby actually paying for his sins, is for no one to show up at these “town halls.”

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