Veggie Fucker Goes to Jail

It’s not as if there’s a law against banging produce, but you’ve got to figure that the kinds of people having sex with vegetables in public are breaking some sort of law anyway.

Charles Ransier, a 56-year-old resident of New Braunfels Texas is going to jail. He’s got a life sentence for among other things, tampering with evidence.

Let me paint you the morbid picture. A state trooper found Ransier sitting in his truck with a veritable menagerie of no-no items. He had on his person everything from meth-filled syringes, to male enhancement pills, and where would he be without lube, children’s clothing and a bunch of frozen cucumbers. Sounds like the guy was pretty zonked out on the meth, not to mention singed from the melted candle wax on his chest.

He refused to comply with the trooper, broke off the needle, and put up a fight. After being summarily subdued, the trooper found the rest of Ransier’s weirdo collection. Yes, you read that correctly, it didn’t end with the frozen cucumbers. Ransier also had in his truck normal stuff like Barbie dolls, candy, balloons, baby oil, Viagra, duct tape, and rope.

Maybe life is a harsh sentence for a first offense right? Well Ransier had also been arrested for fucking a squash in 2012. That must have been painful too, because I hear that everything is larger in Texas.