Horror at 20,000 Feet: Ann Coulter Doesn’t Get Preferred Seat on Airplane

Ann Coulter thought it was a normal day when she booked herself a flight with Delta Airlines. Little did she know she would be stepping into a nightmare flight from hell when Delta made her sit in a window seat instead of the aisle seat she thought she would be getting. You or I might consider this a mild inconvenience, but Ann Coulter considers it a crime against humanity in line with the Soviet occupation of Berlin. And no, that isn’t an exaggeration.

You see, Ann had booked a seat with extra leg room and forced to sit in a seat with extra leg room in a slightly different spot. To a normal person this would be disappointing but probably tolerable. Coulter compared being moved to the behavior of Nurse Ratched (which she misspelled as “Ratchet”) from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest who ordered an unnecessary lobotomy for a patient that left him brain dead as a punishment for disobeying her.

Here’s where the story took a turn. Despite the fact that Ann Coulter had spent the better part of a day whining about having a slightly worse seat than she thought she would have, Delta was still in the wrong here. Airlines have a tendency to treat people like cattle and if you book a seat for an airplane, you should get that seat. The practice of overbooking airplanes is almost openly hostile to passengers. And Delta’s snide attempt to embarrass Coulter should be considered unprofessional at best.

Coulter’s response was so histrionic that I can’t help but root against her, though. Her reply was that pre-booking cost her $10,000 in man-hours she could have used to think up book titles with a single word and a scary subtitle about liberals.

Since I feel so bad for her, I’ve thought of a few titles she can use on various topics. Ann, these are yours, free of charge:

  • Terrorism: How Liberals Are Destroying America By Wanting People to Have Heath Care
  • Devastated: How Raising The Minimum Wage Will Leave CEOs and Venture Capitalists Penniless
  • Infiltration: The Personal Trauma I Suffered By Seeing a Muslim at a Whole Foods Once

Of course, what would a story about a delusional blonde woman saying absolutely insane things on Twitter be without Louise Mensch? Of course Louise showed up, whenever someone turns on the Nutter Signal, Louise is there to showcase once again that she doesn’t understand how American law works.

I would normally show a bunch of replies to Coulter’s insanity here at the end of the story, but at least 75% of them are people making the same joke, which is some variation of “Why does Ann Coulter need to take a plane, did her broom break down?” You can do better, Twitter. At press time, Ann Coulter was still going on about Delta, like a day and a half after her original tweet. And her jokes aren’t as funny as that broom thing.

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