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Who Let Charlie Sheen Make a 9/11 Movie?

Let’s do a thought experiment. You’re Charlie Sheen’s agent (I’m so sorry). You’re looking for a new project for your boy. He’s been fired from one of the biggest shows on TV. He came out as HIV+, then people said he had magic blood. He smokes crack. A lot of crack. He can’t handle doing live gigs anymore. Like, not at all. Are you feeling exhausted yet? You’re not the only one.

So did you come up with a project yet? No really, try to think of one, I’ll wait. You got it? Good.

Was it a 9/11 movie starring Charlie Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg and Luis Guzman? You still there? Hello?

I am not even making this up, Charlie Sheen’s 9/11 project (called um, 9/11) is a real thing that is being theatrically released. I- he- but- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? Charlie Sheen is a 9/11 conspiracy theorist. How did this happen!!?!

“9/11 is an inspiring story told with the sincerest of intent, and we’re very proud to help usher in Charlie Sheen’s return to dramatic roles,” Atlas [Atlas Distribution] head Harmon Kaslow said in a statement. Guigui added: “Like the play upon which 9/11 was based, the movie gives us an opportunity to take a glimpse into the experiences of a few who actually lived the event.”

Does anyone know where I could get some crack?

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