Don’t Worry Houston, Beyonce is Coming to Save the Day

In case you haven’t been paying attention to the news, Hurricane Harvey is ravaging Houston, Texas. The whole city is underwater, people are using boats to rescue people, and Joel Osteen won’t open his church doors [update: Osteen has now opened his church and is “receiving anyone who needs shelter“).

Anytime a natural disaster like this occurs, celebrities always band together to donate a bunch of money to help with relief. They’ll hold a concert or a telethon and criticize the president for not caring about black people and it’s all a bonding moment.

Count Beyonce as someone about to reach out to Houston.

Don’t worry, Houston, she’s going to do more than pray for you. Here’s what she told the Houston Chronicle:

“My heart goes out to my hometown, Houston, and I remain in constant prayer for those affected and for the rescuers who have been so brave and determined to do so much to help…I am working closely with my team at BeyGOOD as well as my pastor (Rudy Rasmus at St. John’s in downtown Houston) to implement a plan to help as many as we can.”

I hope Beyonce has a hell of a plan because it’s already been a few days and she hasn’t done anything. At this point, I expect her to float down from the sky and rescue everyone sitting on top of their house one by one.

Meanwhile, Kevin Hart is asking his celebrity friends like Dave Chappelle and The Rock to donate $50,000 to the Red Cross to help victims.

Screw Beyonce, why hasn’t The Rock rescued everyone one by one? I’ve seen San Andreas. I know that if you give The Rock a helicopter and a boat, he would ensure that everyone is safe and the city is back to normal within a week.

Until The Rock gets his boat and helicopter, I guess Beyonce’s prayers will have to be good enough for Houston.

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