Forget MAGA, Donald Trump MDMA Is A Thing Now

According to Buzzfeed, police in Osnabrück, Germany seized 5000 tablets of ecstasy shaped like Donald Trump. The pills were, of course, orange, and had a street value of nearly $50,000 American. If you’re keeping track at home, that means you can roll donnies for about $10 a pop. And in light of this story, can we please start calling taking ecstasy “rolling donnies.” That would make me so happy.

The Trump pills aren’t really that unusual. MDMA pills have been made in interesting shapes for at least a decade. In 2009, police in Texas seized pills shaped like Barack Obama that were initially thought to be ecstasy, but turned out to contain no MDMA, and were actually much more dangerous drugs known as BZP and TFMPP.

It’s actually pretty funny that other countries are making drugs in the shape of President Trump because we have an opioid epidemic in the United States that Trump has no idea how to deal with. For example, Trump recently claimed he won New Hampshire because it’s a “drug-infested den,” which is a pretty shitty way to talk about an epidemic that’s primarily been caused by the pharmaceuticals industry. Also, Hillary Clinton won New Hampshire, not Trump. And finally, who wants to bet Donald Trump couldn’t point to New Hampshire on a map?

Even though MDMA and other club drugs come in all these different shapes, I can’t imagine anyone willingly putting Donald Trump in their mouth. I assume Melania just closes her eyes and thinks about her inheritance whenever she has to do it.