Florida Man Has Evolved, Now Impervious to Tasers

In Jacksonville, police tased a man 3 times, beat him with a baton and used 4 handcuffs to arrest him. That may seem like an unjustified use of force, but if X-Men taught me anything, it’s that this is a completely normal human reaction when first discovering a mutant.

The tree stump-like man who was on the wrong end of what seemed to be excessive force is alleged to have punched a bouncer and walked out on a $235 bar tab on Sunday. The video posted to Twitter begins with a cop telling them man he battered a bartender to which he denied.

After some wild gesticulating, the officer pulls out his taser and shoots a couple of barbs at him. Unfortunately, this had no effect on this marvel of evolution.

As the man attempted to disentangle himself from the taser wires, he began calmly asking the officer to “stop doing that.” As he walks towards the officer asking why, the officer’s partner takes this opportunity to tase him from behind. Alas, this merely got his attention like a child tapping your arm and caused him to shuffle towards the other cop.

With his back turned, the initial officer took this opportunity to choke him from behind with his baton. As you can see, he was easily shrugged off because you cannot choke that which has no neck. As he pushed both cops off him and stood still next to a guard railing, the first cop started beating his leg with his baton like he was Paul Bunyan chopping down an oak tree. Meanwhile, the second cop tried more tasering. Still, no effect.

It wasn’t until a third cop arrived to assess the situation, find the mutant’s weak spot and taser him there. This would finally be what fell the giant. A legend was born that day.

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6 years ago

$235 bar tab? No wonder he couldn’t feel anything.

How Sway?
How Sway?
6 years ago

“because you cannot choke that which has no neck.”

That’s a good bit of writing that gave me a good laugh.