Jon Jones Took Too Many Dick Pills Again

At UFC 214, Jon Jones made his triumphant return to the octagon to settle the bad blood he had with Daniel Cormier. He ended the fight with a head kick and vicious ground and pound until the ref stopped the fight. It seemed like that night would be Jon’s redemption story after having served a 1 year ban for failing a USADA drug test in 2016. That time before a planned bout with Cormier.

To no one’s surprise, that won’t be the case because Jon Jones is going to continue being Jon Jones. On Tuesday, news came that Jones had failed another USADA drug test. This time testing positive for the anabolic steroid Turinabol which recently has had its window of detection increased from days to six months or more under new detection methods. As a result, Jones could be stripped of the title and banned for up to 4 years.

The last time Jones failed a drug test, he blamed it on dick pills saying he didn’t know it had a banned substance in it. This time he can say something more believable like someone had mixed it into all the coke he was snorting as a practical joke.

A rep for Jones released this statement,

“We are all at a complete loss for words right now. Jon, his trainers, his nutritionists and his entire camp have worked tirelessly and meticulously the past 12 months to avoid this exact situation. We are having the samples tested again to determine the validity or source of contamination. Jon is crush by this news and we are doing whatever we can as a team to support him.”

Jones would probably be the greatest light heavyweight of all time if it wasn’t for his uncanny ability to screw himself over. He’s like a real life version of Wile E. Coyote.

Anyway, let’s see what Mark Hunt has to say about this.