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Malia Obama Fails to Make Up for Three Years of Missed Partying in One Night

Malia Obama is a 19-year-old who is only famous because her dad served as president for eight years. Her dad is no longer president, thus making her a regular 19-year-old. Like most regular teenagers, Malia likes to go out with her friends and have a good time. Sure, she gets access to cooler things than most of us, but it’s not like she’s Kylie Jenner where her face is everywhere, she has her own television show and people consider her sneezing as a big deal.

I couldn’t even tell you what Malia looked like prior to this story. And given the dodgy footage, I’m still not 100 percent sure what she looks like.

That’s Malia at Lollapalooza, a music festival that still exists but isn’t nearly as hipster as Coachella. She’s head thrashing to The Killers, a band that still exists even though they peaked in popularity when George W. Bush was still in office. Either there is no one at this show or she’s in a secure location. It’s probably the former. She’s doing what typical teenagers do. Throwing her body around uncontrollably and calling it dancing.

Maybe she should reign it in before something bad happens.

Whoops, too late. That’s Malia looking out of it as she’s carted away. There’s a girl who took her first tequila shot, didn’t like the taste, tried to shake it off, and then spent 20 minutes in the bathroom while her best friend holds her hair.

You know Malia probably never drank while her father was in office because that wouldn’t look good. Now that Ivanka Trump is embarrassing herself on a daily basis, Malia can let loose and party it up. The only problem is, unlike the rest of us who built up a tolerance by the time we were 19 because we started drinking at 16, Malia is just now able to party.

It’s ok, Malia. Keep going down this path and by the time you’re 21, you’ll be able to handle your liquor like a pro as you jam to Panic! At The Disco.

  • Curvefan+

    I detest Obama but children should be off limits.

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