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Kid Swims in the Ocean and Comes Out With Half-Eaten Legs

WARNING: If you’re eating, don’t read this story. Ok, you can read the story. But avoid pictures at all costs. I was eating when I wrote this story. It took me an hour to write the story because I spent 45 minutes throwing up and cleaning throw up off my computer. Anyone want to buy me a new computer?

Alright, assuming you’re not eating, carry on.

Sam Kanizay, 16, thought a dip in the water would refresh him after a game of football. He chose Dendy Street Beach in Australia as his body of water of choice. Sounds logical enough. What’s not logical is that when he got out of the water, his legs were covered in blood. Sam thought he had stepped on a rock, but after washing his leg and getting home, his legs were still bleeding.

His father took him to the hospital, where the crack hospital unit was so baffled that they were Googling what could be wrong with Sam.

If Googling “why does this kid’s legs keep bleeding?” makes you a doctor, then someone hand me my degree and a lot of money.

Since the doctors had no answers, Sam’s dad took it upon himself to go back to the beach and punch the shark that bit his son in the face. He threw a raw steak in the water to lure the beast out of hiding, then captured it with a net.

What he captured were thousands of sea fleas. Sea. Fleas. I thought fleas were only found on dogs, but it turns out they’re also chilling in the ocean. I’m assuming Frontline doesn’t prevent them, either.

A marine scientist said that they are common, but that it’s rare someone would get eaten up like Sam did. That didn’t stop football clubs from telling their players not to go to the beach or others, like myself, vowing to never get in the ocean again.

This is officially the worst story ever. Not only does it show that doctors use Google when they don’t know what’s wrong, but it’s scared people from going to the beach. The smartest people are dumb and the most enjoyable places lead to death.

This is why I don’t leave my house.

Click through here, here and here for the gruesome photos. Be warned, very NSFW.

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