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Taylor Swift Is Too Hot to Sketch, Says Courtroom Artist

Do you remember last week, back in the bright, hopeful days before the President of the United States was equivocating on behalf of actual Nazis, when we all still had the ability to laugh at those awful courtroom sketches of Taylor Swift? Well, now that Taylor has won her lawsuit against David Mueller for putting his hand up her dress and grabbing her ass at a photo op, the sketch artist has been free to talk to the media about his sketches.

The sketch artist, or Jeff Kandyba as he likes to be called, gave an interview to Fox31 Denver about why his sketches turned out the way they did and what his process is.

Kandyba said that the reason his sketches didn’t capture Tay Tay’s essence is because she’s so attractive.

“A person like Taylor Swift who’s very pretty, got a very, you know, very perfectly proportioned dimensions on her face and everything, is actually much harder [to draw].”

Sounds like someone is angling to have a hateful break-up song written about him in a few weeks.

Kandyba give a little insight into how he set about to capture Swift’s image in the interview.

“Everybody’s got little idiosyncrasies about them that you want to pick up on,”

Then added,

“The shape of her eyebrows, you know, has a really distinctive arc. They start off very close to her eyelids.”

I can honestly say I’d never noticed that, but yeah, now that he mentions it, I can totally see it.

Doing courtroom sketches isn’t an easy job. You have to be quick to produce sketches of people who aren’t posing for sketches, and your job isn’t to make everyone look beautiful, it’s just to give the media and people outside the courtroom, where cameras aren’t allowed, an idea of what went on during the trial.

Although honestly, it isn’t like a production of First Night is likely to break out in most trials. You’ve got some lawyers citing precedents and then witnesses take the stand. I’m not sure why we even have courtroom sketch artists other than to comment on their ability to draw celebrities. Although I got two stories out of this one, and otherwise, I might have had to write about whatever dumbass thing Kayla Kardashian or whoever did, so godspeed, Jeff Kandyba.

  • gem2477

    Nah. The song is so immature and outright stupid that Kanye is probably somewhere laughing his ass off.

    • Thao Truong

      dont be jealous…that song basically says it all. its genius…how else is it breaking record…if it sucked then everyone would say so….revenge comes in everyway and she got hers by being top of the list…lets see all her haters get there like taylor did. NOTTTT

      • gem2477

        She could have released a track of her farting and it’d be #1. With her, that’s not a good demonstration of if it being a good song.

      • BigJimSlade

        It’s genius? It’s not even music.
        This generic crap wouldn’t have managed to be a B-side on a Madonna single 20 years ago.

  • AussieDan

    Remember when Taylor wrote poppy country songs…?

  • Shawn Cicero

    wow people are nutty stalkers

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