Taylor Swift Annoyed at the Eclipse Upstaging Her

Taylor Swift went all Zero Dark Thirty last week on social media, leading fans to speculate that new music was finally on the way. Today, Swift returned to eclipse the eclipse.


Some fans speculated that news would be released at 2 PM eastern, but I’m writing this at 3:30 PM Eastern and there has been no news. Haven’t we learned that Taylor does stuff on her own time?

In digging deeper, fans found out that “Timeless” was registered in her name, leading most to assume that “Timeless” will either be the name of the album, the first single, or possibly both.

That’s really all the information that’s out there right now. Why are you doing this to me, Taylor?

Since we have nothing to go by except a 10-second clip, allow me to write far too many words on what the 10-second clip may represent.

1. There’s no music attached to the clip, which means there’s no hint of what the album might sound like. There’s not even a hint that this has anything to do with music.

2. It appears to be a dragon tail. Maybe she just watched Game of Thrones, is a big fan of Emilia Clarke, and is doing this to get her attention. Or maybe she represents the dragon and is about to do this to the music industry and her enemies:

3. The footage is choppy. Taylor has gone broke in the three years since 1989. Maybe she should have sued that DJ for more than $1. She needs to put out a new album so she can be rich again and make higher quality videos.

4. Some people have speculated that it’s a snake. It’s not a snake. It’s too prickly to be a snake. But I’ll humor everyone pretend that it’s a snake. If it’s a snake, then in the next video, its head will get chopped off. Taylor is not the snake. She’s the one who chops off the head of a snake.

5. And that’s why it’s a dragon. Because why would her first video back be of a snake? Snakes are painted as negative animals who lie and deceive. Dragons are awesome. Taylor Swift is awesome.

6. Someone should fix the tracking on the video.

7. The only distinct colors are red, blue, green, white, and black. Five colors representing her five previous albums (Taylor Swift – White, Fearless – Green, Speak Now – Blue, Red – Red, 1989 – Black). If you have to ask why the color goes with that album, never speak to me again. This is her sixth album, but she still gives us no hint as to what it could represent as there is not a sixth color.

8. She released the video the same day as the eclipse. Does that mean the album will be light to dark to light again? Or does it mean she will eclipse all other artists with this album? Or does it mean nothing? It definitely means something.

I have roughly 1981 more theories, but let me stop there. Just hurry up and grace me new music, Taylor. I need to know how to feel again.

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17 Comments on "MET Costume Institute Gala 2016"

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Nah. The song is so immature and outright stupid that Kanye is probably somewhere laughing his ass off.


Funny, She sold out 5 nights at the Staple Center for 1989 which seated a total of 86,000 people, She has sold 120,000 tickets in the Rose Bowl so far for the “Reputation”. I doubt he is laughing to loud, he made $31,745,967 on his Saint Pablo Tour, she sold $180,000,000 worth of tickets the first week.

Thao Truong

dont be jealous…that song basically says it all. its genius…how else is it breaking record…if it sucked then everyone would say so….revenge comes in everyway and she got hers by being top of the list…lets see all her haters get there like taylor did. NOTTTT


It’s genius? It’s not even music.
This generic crap wouldn’t have managed to be a B-side on a Madonna single 20 years ago.


She could have released a track of her farting and it’d be #1. With her, that’s not a good demonstration of if it being a good song.


Remember when Taylor wrote poppy country songs…?

Shawn Cicero

wow people are nutty stalkers


Pretend to like her fans? Bwhahahahahahaha you are fucking pathetic.


who the hell are you guys? no names, just jealous of her fame and success. But who can blame you? You do this for green.

Sinead McGowan

ooooh Taylor’s army

Atomic Rat

oh my fucking god !!!!!!

she’s so existential… she’s so multidimensional… she’s so fucking awesomely…. banal and pedantic.

So you really don’t have to have anything one the ball other than a good PR firm and a fair agent to be a success as a pop star.

I didn’t believe them. It’s still hard to believe.


That girl is too high maintenance and a loon.

Atomic Rat

Sailor Twit – the rally face of the nazi generation.

Nice one. The one trick pony and the goosesteppers.

Sieg Heil, frau Taylor. I see you’re on to your next crossover genre.


“Except, anyone can join. Even if they are not, wait for it, fans of Taylor.” How would a phone app know whether or not someone is a fan of Taylor Swift? What’s it going to do, read all your archived text messages to see if you talk about Miss Swift with your friends and determine if you said positive or negative things about her?

Perry de Havilland

“Taylor has been criticized by just about everyone for not speaking for or against Trump”

Yeah Taylor is missing a beat here, I mean we all just *love* to be lectured by sage-like showbiz celebrities about politics, right?


1/3rd of the country supports being mean and fueling drama, while the other 2/3rds has had enough. So Taylor’s drama filled, passive aggressive, mean girl behavior is no longer tolerated by most. Most of us had enough of Taylor & people like her.

Thai Wu

No doubt she will sell out if her rich father and rich close business connections buy them up to save her REPUTATION.

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