ESC

Taylor Swift Annoyed at the Eclipse Upstaging Her

Taylor Swift went all Zero Dark Thirty last week on social media, leading fans to speculate that new music was finally on the way. Today, Swift returned to eclipse the eclipse.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!?!

Some fans speculated that news would be released at 2 PM eastern, but I’m writing this at 3:30 PM Eastern and there has been no news. Haven’t we learned that Taylor does stuff on her own time?

In digging deeper, fans found out that “Timeless” was registered in her name, leading most to assume that “Timeless” will either be the name of the album, the first single, or possibly both.

That’s really all the information that’s out there right now. Why are you doing this to me, Taylor?

Since we have nothing to go by except a 10-second clip, allow me to write far too many words on what the 10-second clip may represent.

1. There’s no music attached to the clip, which means there’s no hint of what the album might sound like. There’s not even a hint that this has anything to do with music.

2. It appears to be a dragon tail. Maybe she just watched Game of Thrones, is a big fan of Emilia Clarke, and is doing this to get her attention. Or maybe she represents the dragon and is about to do this to the music industry and her enemies:

3. The footage is choppy. Taylor has gone broke in the three years since 1989. Maybe she should have sued that DJ for more than $1. She needs to put out a new album so she can be rich again and make higher quality videos.

4. Some people have speculated that it’s a snake. It’s not a snake. It’s too prickly to be a snake. But I’ll humor everyone pretend that it’s a snake. If it’s a snake, then in the next video, its head will get chopped off. Taylor is not the snake. She’s the one who chops off the head of a snake.

5. And that’s why it’s a dragon. Because why would her first video back be of a snake? Snakes are painted as negative animals who lie and deceive. Dragons are awesome. Taylor Swift is awesome.

6. Someone should fix the tracking on the video.

7. The only distinct colors are red, blue, green, white, and black. Five colors representing her five previous albums (Taylor Swift – White, Fearless – Green, Speak Now – Blue, Red – Red, 1989 – Black). If you have to ask why the color goes with that album, never speak to me again. This is her sixth album, but she still gives us no hint as to what it could represent as there is not a sixth color.

8. She released the video the same day as the eclipse. Does that mean the album will be light to dark to light again? Or does it mean she will eclipse all other artists with this album? Or does it mean nothing? It definitely means something.

I have roughly 1981 more theories, but let me stop there. Just hurry up and grace me new music, Taylor. I need to know how to feel again.

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