There’s Now Scientific Proof Vegans Are Miserable

Do you know how to tell if someone is vegan? Don’t worry about it, they’ll tell you. I love that joke. It turns out that you may also be able to tell because vegetarians and vegans are more likely to be depressed, living the joyless life of people cursed to walk the Earth without the simple joys of a bacon double cheeseburger.

A study by research scientists at Bristol University, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, found that men who refrain from eating meat are at a higher risk for depression than other men after adjusting for other known risk factors. The study could not rule out reverse causation, which means there’s a chance that people become vegetarians because they’re depressed. Which would make sense, as only people who truly hate themselves would eat kale.

This is good news for the rest of us because it’s more likely that the idiots talking about how eating dairy is rape are more likely to bugger off and kill themselves. And just a P.S. to PETA, only humans can be raped, and saying that breeding cattle is rape is one of the most offensive hyperboles I’ve heard in my entire life.

But wait, there’s more bad news for herbivores. Aside from the fact that everyone hates you because you won’t shut the hell up about how great kale is, that is. We’re on to you and we know it’s terrible. According to Lund University in Sweden, vegetarians are at a higher risk of diabetes due to potential vitamin A deficiency.

So do the vegan in your life a favor and take them to a steakhouse. If you don’t, they might have to have their foot cut off or kill themselves while telling you how much healthier and better than everyone else they are.

[Image: Flickr/JouWatch]

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3 years ago

How exactly are humans the only animals able to be raped? that sounds pretty ignorant

3 years ago
Reply to  Scott

It would be even more ignorant to think animals outside of humans have discussions regarding consent when it comes to reproduction…
I take it you don’t watch much National Geographic, eh?

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