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New Taylor Swift Is All About Bathroom Sex and Disappointing Fans

Welcome to the world, new Taylor Swift.

Over the weekend, Taylor dressed up as a bridesmaid for her best friend Abigail’s wedding. As a bridesmaid, Abigail’s best friend, and Taylor friggin’ Swift, she was tasked with giving a speech during the reception. If you thought Taylor would keep it clean and talk about the good times she had with her longtime friend, you thought wrong.

For those that can’t listen, here’s the transcript via Hollywood Life.

“She’s running after him, there’s falling, there’s stumbling … They make it to the bathroom and I can hear sounds that I can never unhear … and then there’s silence. And then…”

That’s where the video cuts off, leaving everyone in suspense as to what happened next. I’m going to assume that Matt said “I love you” and that’s when Taylor knew her best friend had found the one. Ladies, find you a man that’s willing to have bathroom sex with you while the biggest pop star in the world is listening.

Abigail and Matt are seen laughing in the video, but that’s probably a “she’s Taylor Swift, we kinda have to laugh” laugh and not a “this is actually funny” laugh.

However, it wasn’t all sex stories and smiles for Swift at the wedding. As she was leaving, fans wanted pictures and autographs. When Swift exited without a greeting, the fans started to boo. “We thought you loved your fans. Very disappointing, not cool,” said one fan cosplaying as Donald Trump.

Reverse shout out to all of those fans who give fans a bad name. Swift was taking part in her friend’s wedding. That isn’t the time to scream at her for autographs and pictures. Do you know the hell bridesmaids are put through prior to the wedding? The bride has it easy. She just freaks out a little. It’s the bridesmaid that has to put out every single fire and calm the bride.

I look forward to her new single “My Best Friend in the Bathroom.”

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17 Comments on "MET Costume Institute Gala 2016"

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gem2477
Guest

Nah. The song is so immature and outright stupid that Kanye is probably somewhere laughing his ass off.

earlharbeson
Guest

Funny, She sold out 5 nights at the Staple Center for 1989 which seated a total of 86,000 people, She has sold 120,000 tickets in the Rose Bowl so far for the “Reputation”. I doubt he is laughing to loud, he made $31,745,967 on his Saint Pablo Tour, she sold $180,000,000 worth of tickets the first week.

Thao Truong
Guest

dont be jealous…that song basically says it all. its genius…how else is it breaking record…if it sucked then everyone would say so….revenge comes in everyway and she got hers by being top of the list…lets see all her haters get there like taylor did. NOTTTT

BigJimSlade
Guest

It’s genius? It’s not even music.
This generic crap wouldn’t have managed to be a B-side on a Madonna single 20 years ago.

gem2477
Guest

She could have released a track of her farting and it’d be #1. With her, that’s not a good demonstration of if it being a good song.

AussieDan
Guest

Remember when Taylor wrote poppy country songs…?

Shawn Cicero
Guest

wow people are nutty stalkers

Mithrull
Guest

Pretend to like her fans? Bwhahahahahahaha you are fucking pathetic.

Moise
Guest

who the hell are you guys? no names, just jealous of her fame and success. But who can blame you? You do this for green.

Sinead McGowan
Guest

ooooh Taylor’s army

Atomic Rat
Guest

oh my fucking god !!!!!!

she’s so existential… she’s so multidimensional… she’s so fucking awesomely…. banal and pedantic.

So you really don’t have to have anything one the ball other than a good PR firm and a fair agent to be a success as a pop star.

I didn’t believe them. It’s still hard to believe.

Larry
Guest

That girl is too high maintenance and a loon.

Atomic Rat
Guest

Sailor Twit – the rally face of the nazi generation.

Nice one. The one trick pony and the goosesteppers.

Sieg Heil, frau Taylor. I see you’re on to your next crossover genre.

jay
Guest

“Except, anyone can join. Even if they are not, wait for it, fans of Taylor.” How would a phone app know whether or not someone is a fan of Taylor Swift? What’s it going to do, read all your archived text messages to see if you talk about Miss Swift with your friends and determine if you said positive or negative things about her?

Perry de Havilland
Guest

“Taylor has been criticized by just about everyone for not speaking for or against Trump”

Yeah Taylor is missing a beat here, I mean we all just *love* to be lectured by sage-like showbiz celebrities about politics, right?

me
Guest

1/3rd of the country supports being mean and fueling drama, while the other 2/3rds has had enough. So Taylor’s drama filled, passive aggressive, mean girl behavior is no longer tolerated by most. Most of us had enough of Taylor & people like her.

Thai Wu
Guest

No doubt she will sell out if her rich father and rich close business connections buy them up to save her REPUTATION.

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