Taylor Swift Is Trademarking Everything, Including This Post

Like any good empire, Taylor Swift knows that the way to be successful in business is to trademark anything you come up with. Yes, Taylor Swift is an empire and a business and a person and a singer. Just go with it.

When 1989 came out three years ago, Swift trademarked the phrases “this sick beat,” “cause we never go out of style,” “could show you incredible things” and every other chorus on her hit album. Basically, if you sang any song off of 1989 and made money from it, Taylor could sue you. I think that’s how this works.

With Reputation slated to hit stores November 10, expect a whole new list of chorus trademarks to be filed in the near future. In fact, Taylor has already started. She’s already filed for two trademarks based on her first single “Look What You Made Me Do.”

The first trademark should come as no surprise as it’s “look what made you me do” and the second is “the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.” I’m so excited to purchase a Taylor Swift burner phone with the voicemail message that says, “the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.” If Taylor’s team does not market burner phones after filing for this trademark, everyone should be fired and I should be hired in their place.

According to a Mashable report, these trademarks are going to be put on “magnetically encoded gift cards, reusable shopping bags, ornamental cloth patches, shoe laces, and bathrobes.”

I’ve already purchased two “look what you made me do” bathrobes that I can’t wait to do a striptease with to the song “Look What You Made Me Do.” The chorus sounds like “I’m Too Sexy,” making it the perfect strip tease song.

If you’re made about Taylor filing these trademarks, just wait two months. You won’t be able to say the word “Reputation” without owing Swift at least a dime.