ESC
What

Ted Cruz Liked a Porn Video on Twitter, and Twitter Spent The Day Hating on Him

By September 12, 2017

Al Franken likes to say, “I probably like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz, and I hate Ted Cruz.” Franken devoted an entire chapter to Ted Cruz in his memoir Al Franken, Giant of the Senate. Unfortunately for Ted, Al Franken wasn’t around to tell his pal Ted not to click the like button when he finishes cranking his hog to a porn clip he saw on Twitter on 9/11. And like a porn clip on 9/11 Ted Cruz did.

The video, which was posted to Twitter by @sexuallposts, essentially a porn spam aggregator, features a woman who looks a bit like Ted Cruz’s wife Heidi coming home to find her husband having sex with a much younger woman. Instead of getting mad, the woman watches and starts masturbating. Once he woke up and realized people could see his likes, he blamed a staffer in a statement to Politico.

“There are a number of people on the team who have access on the account. It appears that someone inadvertently hit the like button. When we discovered the post, which was I guess an hour or two later, we pulled it down,” Cruz (R-Texas) said of the incident. “It was a staffing issue. And it was inadvertent, it was a mistake. It was not a deliberate act. We’re dealing with it internally, but it was a mistake. It was not malicious.”

I don’t buy it. You know who else doesn’t buy it? Ted Cruz’s college roommate, who regaled us with tales of Ted yanking it in their shared bedroom. I at least had the decency to wait until my roommate was in class to jack it.

Yeah, so now we all know that, and we all have to live with knowing it. Let’s take a look at how Twitter’s best tweeters handled Ted handling himself.

Does anyone remember when Twitter was new and we were all like “what’s the point of ‘microblogging’, what can you say in 140 characters?” Don’t you feel stupid now that you’ve the sheer number of dunks on Ted Cruz that Twitter gives to the world? Even your favorite celebrities all dunked on poor Teddy.

Seriously, they just keep coming. Sometimes when I write an article like this, the hard part is finding enough quality tweets to show the reaction. For this story, it’s sorting through the thousands of amazing tweets to get the best ones. Remember that picture of the guy from Duke dunking on a dude while pushing his nuts right in his face? That’s what Twitter has been doing to Ted Cruz for almost an entire day.

Even porn stars are getting dunks on Ted Cruz for watching porn. Bailey is basically the best in general, though.

Other Republicans are even getting contact dunks.

And other, older memes came crashing into this meme to make a supermeme

It’s basically carnage. And then Mike Huckabee showed up with the world’s worst dad joke and killed everyone’s buzz.

I just… why? He took something as pure and beautiful as everyone in the world coming together and mercilessly mocking one of its worst people for being a hypocritical putz and he ruined it.

Also check out
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments