Zach Braff Can Cure Your Limp Dick

Zach Braff is a famous television doctor. But he doesn’t just play a doctor on television. He’s a licensed doctor in Ukraine and allowed to prescribe performance enhancing pills for your penis. Yup, if you can’t get an erection or your erection lasts longer than four hours, call Zach Braff.

Wait, does the ad imply that Braff’s penis doesn’t work or that he’s a doctor who can make your penis work? Now I’m just confused. I wish I knew Russian.

Not only is Braff a licensed doctor in Ukraine, he’s also a licensed computer technician.

But it’s not just him. Call that number and who knows who will show up at your door. It could be Zach Braff. Or it could Ben Barnes:

Who knows. Zac Effron may show up:

Or, if you’re really lucky, you’ll get an actual computer nerd.

Imagine the disappointment some people feel when they call that number hoping for Effron and getting Braff. You know their computer doesn’t actually need servicing, they thought it was a front for an escort service.

Celebrities appearing in foreign advertisements is nothing new. This 15-minute clip of odd Japanese commercials starring Hollywood figures is well worth your time:

But using a celebrity likeness to promote your business/product without their permission? THAT’S EVEN BETTER!

Like you wouldn’t want Britney Spears handling your meat.

The Winklevoss twins finally won.

I’m willing to bet that the makers of these ads just google image searched “generic looking white people” and those were the first results that came up.

America should totally jump on this trend. Let’s take good-looking Russian models and the Zach Braff of Russia and have them advertise coffee or plumbing. It’d probably save advertisers a lot of money and it would promote diversity. I just solved racism. You’re welcome, America.

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