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Preppy Normie Ivanka Trump Thinks Liking Nirvana Made Her Punk

By October 18, 2017

Apparently daddy’s favorite girl Ivanka Trump published a memoir that came out last week? I hadn’t even heard but I’m sure CPAC organizers bought enough copies to make it a bestseller. In one interesting passage, found by New York Magazine, Ivanka describes having a punk phase because she listened to Nirvana.

During my punk phase in the nineties, I was really into Nirvana. My wardrobe consisted of ripped corduroy jeans and flannel shirts. One day after school, I dyed my hair blue. Mom wasn’t a fan of this decision. She took one look at me and immediately went out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of Nice’n Easy. That night, she forced me to dye my hair back to blond. The color she picked out was actually three shades lighter than my natural color… and I have never looked back!

As the entire Internet has already pointed out, grunge and punk are very different genres of music. Not to sound snobbish, but Nirvana had songs that were a lot more musically complex than your average punk band, although the band’s first album, Bleach, has a more punk and metal inspired sound than Nevermind or In Utero. Ivanka went on to talk about how Kurt Cobain’s suicide affected her.

It wasn’t too long after this that Kurt Cobain, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist for Nirvana, committed suicide. It was a shock and I was distraught. Mom had no idea who Kurt Cobain was, and she sympathized only so much. After twenty-four hours of my crying inconsolably in my room, alone—major melodrama—Mom had to pull me out of there to go down to dinner.

Now, Ivanka Trump and I are the same age, and I remember being in Music class where someone had turned on MTV when Kurt Loder came on and said Kurt Cobain killed himself. I was twelve years old and I had basically just found out good music existed a few weeks earlier. Most of my classmates were terrible and still listened to crappy early ‘90’s pop, so I had to deal with about a year and a half of people saying I only liked Nirvana because Kurt Cobain killed himself until “Glycerine” was a hit and normies like Ivanka Trump started listening to alternative rock because they were playing it on the Top 40 stations.

Here’s the thing; a lot of the same kids who thought I was weird for listening to Nirvana and Sonic Youth and Jane’s Addiction in the early ‘90s started to listen to the same music, or at least pale imitations of it meant for mass consumption, in the late ‘90s. That’s who Ivanka Trump is, one of the trendy kids who was popular instead of cool and now wants to pretend they were both. You know, the kids who thought I was weird for listening to Nirvana at the time and now post on Facebook about how distraught they were on the anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s suicide. Bitch, you weren’t distraught, you were still listening to Ace Of Base. Poser.

Suffice it to say, people on social media also saw right through Ivanka Trump’s most generic description of her grunge/punk phase.

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