ESC

Usher Says STDs Are the Risk You Take By Sleeping With Him

Usher has an airtight defense in his herpes case. “You took the risk.” Go home, folks, this case is over.

To recap, Laura Helm is suing Usher for giving her genital herpes, claiming that she should have been told that Usher had an STD before having sex with him. She’s not the only person who has sued Usher for giving them an STD. Usher said, “With a one in six chance that any given partner could have genital herpes, [she] assumed the risk of contracting an STD each and every time she chose to have unprotected sex with a casual, consensual partner.”

I’m sure this defense has been used before, but it’s just amazing reading it aloud from a celebrity. Why isn’t this everyone’s defense? If I hit a person with my car and they sue me, I’m just going to say, “You took a risk by being near a moving car. There are roughly 3,000 deaths by car accident a day. You just got injured. Be thankful and move on.”

I shouldn’t have to tell people that I’m a bad driver, just like Usher shouldn’t have to tell women that he has an STD. Everyone should assume that everyone is a bad driver and has an STD. That way, no one will ever drive anywhere or have sex. We’ll all just live alone in our separate houses, never to leave or interact with one another again.

This is even better than Usher’s “she’s not my type” excuse. We all saw that excuse coming a mile away. But this one, he actually had to use google to see that 1 in 6 people have herpes. The extra effort is what really puts this excuse over the top.

If this one doesn’t work in his favor, I recommend Usher use the “how do you know it was me?” excuse and take her on Maury because he solves everything.

  • jay

    “The bad news is that she’s an idiot who wears a crown to celebrate her birthday at a concert.” Umm, I thought the bad news was that she’s an idiot who has sex with a strange man who she surely knows is planning to take everything she has and then throw her away like a used paper cup.

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