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Eminem Probably Slept With Consenting 15-Year-Old in Sweden

Two things are “in” right now. Sexual assault allegations and Eminem. You know all about the sexual assault allegations levied towards anyone with a penis. But Eminem has made headlines with his rap aimed at Donald Trump and his new single featuring Beyonce.

And now, OhNoTheyDidn’t is investigating Eminem for allegedly having sex with a 15-year-old when he was 27.

It’s important to note that these allegations were brought to light by a former bodyguard who worked for Eminem for six months in 1999. The book, titled Shady Bizzness, came out in August 2000, three months after Eminem released his classic The Marshall Mathers LP. That’s not to say that the allegations aren’t true, but it is to say that the source has motive to lie and build his name off the biggest artist in music at the time. The book was self-published, meaning he likely shopped it to multiple publishers and they all passed, likely based on credibility issues.

Here’s what he writes in the book:

The first time we went there was in August of 1999 for a promo tour. During that time, Slim met this young lady, and she was tight. No doubt she was tight. In fact, all the women I saw there were tight. It was like they came off an assembly line or something—tall, blond, big boobs, nice body, and nice personality. And there were some fine black women there, too. I got a chance to meet the girls from Lou Bega’s group (“Mambo No. 5”) and, my goodness; they were gorgeous, absolutely beautiful. On the August tour, when we arrived at the hotel, the lobby was swamped with nothing but girls ranging in age from fourteen to nineteen, all tugging on our clothes and wanting kisses, hugs, and photos. We loved it because it was all girls. We had to get help from hotel security because we couldn’t even make it to the elevator. These girls were young, but were tall and looked at least five years older than they actually were. The fact that they were young didn’t matter to Slim. He hooked up with this one young lady who was tight, named Agnes.

Did you know that the girls in Sweden were tight? Like, they were really tight. I’m talking double knotted shoe lace tight.

Agnes was built like a brick house for a white girl. I have to admit, she was also very smart. This girl had her game down. She had somehow put together a fake passport. I told her before she talked to Slim I would need to see some ID because they lock people in jail in foreign countries. Everything looked legit, but I found out she used one of her friend’s information and took the picture and hooked up the ID to look real. Apparently, she was able to get into bars and shit like that. One thing you have to realize is that in the States eighteen is the legal age, but in Sweden sixteen is the legal age, and in some places in Europe, fifteen is the legal age. This girl looked every bit of twenty-two. She had a fucking body! She was hot, and she was pushing up on Slim pretty tough. Slim was like, “Why don’t you come up to my room?” and we checked her ID, which said she was nineteen years old. She was all over him. I left them, and they went up to his room, and a couple of hours later he came back down. Slim was hype, “Yo, man, that was the best fuck I ever had in my life. She came like eleven times. ” I said, “Man, she ain’t come no damn eleven times!” Slim said, “Man, you should see my sheets, they are soaked! She sucked my dick, we sixty-nined. Man, she knows how to fuck!” He was totally blown away by this girl, but at the time he didn’t know her real age— none of us did—she had fooled all of us. Her game was tight, so tight that Slim wanted to fly her out for the rest of that tour. However, when we went to get her a ticket, the authorities discovered that she was underage—only fifteen years old!

Eminem is a self-admitted misogynist, but this guy isn’t much better with how he describes this girl and her actions. Tight.

Lo and behold, on the second trip Slim wanted to hook up with her again. He didn’t care about her age because her pussy was so tight. I had to remind him of all the drama, when her mom had the authorities threaten to come get Agnes. I told him we all could have gone to jail. Luckily, we found out what was going on, and we sent her back on the first thing that was running on gas. We called her mom and apologized because we didn’t know she was only fifteen, and we told her about the fake ID and that she looked nineteen. But that didn’t matter to Slim.

We were back in Stockholm, Sweden, the land of pretty woman and underage groupies. Upon arriving at the hotel, we were welcomed by Slim Shady’s fifteen-year-old mistress, Agnes. Apparently, her jealous friends informed her mother that she had sex with Slim Shady and was leaving the country on his tour. Her mother called our hotel forbidding Agnes to leave. Then she contacted the police and told them about Slim’s involvement with an underage girl. However, Agnes disobeyed her mom and attempted travel anyway. The Interscope international representative advised Slim that he could be brought up on charges for dealing with this minor. In some countries, a fifteen-year-old is legal—but with parental approval. Agnes’ mom didn’t approve at all. Slim still invited Agnes to travel with the tour. He went as far as having Agnes ride with us to the airport. We were notified by phone from the authorities that the mother wouldn’t press charges if Agnes didn’t attempt to leave. But if she tried to board the plane, we would all be arrested for accomplice to statutory rape! Slim’s entire staff practically begged him to be wise and avoid Agnes. Slim temporarily agreed and sent her home in a taxi. However, when we returned to Stockholm, Slim continued to mess around with this girl. I had this gut feeling there were going to be some problems that night. Slim never would listen; he truly doesn’t GIVE A FUCK! As soon as Slim saw Agnes, he forgot about Kessia. They were like two dogs in heat when their eyes met again. Agnes thrust her tongue in Slim’s mouth, and then they hurried to a nearby restroom for a quickie. Proof was joking with some young ladies while Slim and Agnes were in the bathroom possibly getting busy. Again, I warned Slim about Agnes’ age and the consequences that could follow.

Alright, so, what did we learn from this whole ordeal?

Not a whole lot. Eminem had sex with a willing 15-year-old, who lied about her age. He should have stopped when he found out she was 15, but she obviously had no desire to stop pursuing him. This isn’t nearly as bad as 50-year-old actors and directors inappropriately touching women or forcing them into uncomfortable positions due to their position of power.

It’s still not good, but let’s not group Eminem in with the people who have been accused by actual victims because his scorned bodyguard of six months wrote a poorly written book that no one wanted to publish.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Eminem is accused of sexual harassment in the coming week. Literally no one would surprise me at this point, especially not a guy who became famous for rapping about killing his wife and hating women. But let’s not turn this into an actual witch hunt.

If you want to know more about what kind of book Shady Bizzness is, read the A.V. Club’s review.

  • CatFoodJunkie

    sweden’s age of consent is 15. a tad icky in my mind, but at least legal.

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