Macklemore Stares at Naked Justin Bieber Painting During Sex to Delay Orgasming

You know, this article has a special meaning for me, because most of the time I’m only writing about one horrible, self-absorbed douchebag celebrity. This story has a free bonus douche at no additional cost to you. As you may know, if you’re big into the sport of douche-watching, Macklemore has a painting of Justin Bieber naked, balancing a pancake on his cock, with maple syrup running down his chest. What you didn’t know is that Macklemore looks at it when he’s having sex with his wife.

Macklemore was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen on Bravo when Cohen read a viewer question about the painting. Because who doesn’t want to know more about what Macklemore does with a naked painting of Justin Bieber? Well, I didn’t, I really didn’t. Turns out he bought it on Etsy for a White Elephant Christmas party, and at the end of the night, no one had taken it, so it was left in his house.

Macklemore did what any of us would do given a naked picture of Justin Bieber and put it above his bed so he can look at it while he fucks his wife. He says it’s to “slow it down” but come on, you can’t fool us. Justin, next time you strike out with some random girl at a gym or Selena Gomez dumps you again, give Macklemore a call. I’ll bet he makes you pancakes.

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