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Mick Jagger’s Withered Penis Resurrected by a 23-Year-Old

By all accounts, Mick Jagger’s 73-year-old penis should be shooting out moths but somehow he’s still pulling 20-year-olds and presumably having sex with them. Fresh off impregnating 29-year-old ballerina, Melanie Hamrick, who gave birth to his eighth kid last December, Jagger has been dating 23-year-old Noor Alfallah for a month.

Alfallah is a UCLA grad school graduate who’s friends with a lot of celebrities including Brett Ratner, the alleged¬†Natasha Henstridge rapist. She’s also someone who doesn’t mind fucking with a dick resembling The Mummy. Excuse me for being old fashioned, but if I was a woman, I wouldn’t want to have to chant ancient incantations at a dude’s penis just to get it to rise every time we had sex.

Fun fact: The ages of Mick Jagger’s children span four decades. So in case you’re wondering, yes, this guy’s dong is basically the Lewis and Clark of vaginas.

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