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North Korea Sentences President Donald Trump to Death

Kim Jong-Un, welcome to the #Resistance.

As you may know, US President Donald Trump was recently on a diplomatic tour of Asia. While he was in Vietnam, presumably taking a shit in the middle of the night, he made this tweet.

That’s the President of the United States talking about “haters”. I want to kill myself, or at least wake up from whatever second-rate YA nightmare I’m having. That tweet actually has nothing to do with this story, by the way, I just wanted to point out that it exists so you can all think about the fact that we, as a nation, decided we should give this guy the unilateral authority to launch a nuclear strike.

Here’s the other tweet Trump made while shitting, the one that actually matters to this story.

Turns out North Koreans, at least the ones who run the state media, don’t like it when you call their supreme leader “short and fat”. According to The Guardian, the North Korean state-run newspaper Rodong Sinmun published an editorial excoriating Trump, including this passage:

“The worst crime for which he can never be pardoned is that he dared [to] malignantly hurt the dignity of the supreme leadership,” the editorial said.

“He should know that he is just a hideous criminal sentenced to death by the Korean people,” it added.

Now, it’s important to keep perspective. This is just rhetoric by a guy whose job it is to kiss Kim Jong-Un’s ass. He’s basically the North Korean version of pretty much anyone on Fox News not named Shep Smith. He doesn’t actually have the power to condemn the US President to death.

But what this whole incident highlights is how absolutely terrible Trump is at diplomacy. This is what his supporters thought would be his strong suit, he promised to make “great deals, the best deals” or something. What he’s actually done as president is make petulant tweets that make it much harder for actual diplomats to do their job.

I don’t know what we were really expecting, this is a man who lost money as a casino owner. It’s not his fault that North Korea has nuclear weapons, that actually happened because David Frum thought it would sound Islamophobic if all the countries in George W. Bush’s Axis Of Evil were in the Middle East so he threw North Korea in there at the last minute. But Trump is the president , and he has to solve diplomatic crises, not make them worse by hurling insults on Twitter like some 15-year-old YouTube commenter.

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