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It’s Not Delivery. It’s DiGiorno Owning Papa John’s On Twitter

Papa John’s is a pizza chain that has a partnership with the NFL. You’ve probably seen Peyton Manning shill their pizza for the last five years now. According to the Big Papa John himself, CEO John Schnatter, the company’s stock prices are down 9 percent.

Instead of looking at their product and figuring out what may be wrong, Schnatter decided to blame the NFL for their numbers being down. More specifically, he decided to blame the anthem protests.

DiGiorno, a good pizza company, was having none of that.

Based on Queens Sauce Rules, Papa John’s now has to fold up shop. DiGiorno beat them so bad that there’s no coming back from this. Re-open as Mama Jane’s and sell marijuana and pizza. That will boost your sales.

To make matters worse for Papa John’s, Pizza Hut came in and pissed on their grave.

That does it. Papa John’s can’t even re-open as Mama Jane’s. They just gotta go to the Upside Down or something.

Other NFL sponsors have yet to blame players kneeling on declining sales, but I’m sure that’s coming. After all, the NFL is already trying to blame players kneeling on the declining ratings. So, while Papa John says that the NFL “lacks leadership,” he’s doing the same thing the NFL leaders are doing. So what does Papa John’s lack?

Your pizza sucks, Papa. No one is protesting pizza when they kneel, they’re protesting racism. Do you not realize that you’re blaming people who hate racism for your declining sales. Doesn’t that make you a little bit…racist?

I was gonna order a couple of Papa John’s pizzas for my wife’s surprise birthday party on Saturday (I really hope she isn’t reading this), but now I’m just gonna head to the grocery store and pick up a couple of DiGiorno’s pizzas.

[Image: Flickr/Mike Mozart]

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