Woman Makes Perfume From Her Vaginal Fluids, Claims It Got Her So Laid

Ladies, have you ever went to leave the house and thought “Wait, I don’t smell enough like a vagina, I better go put on some more perfume”? Well, maybe that’s why you’re in your 30’s and you’re still single and living with five cats. You need to go rub your vaginal secretions all over your face and go get yourself a man like a normal woman.

Such was the tone, at least, of a Cosmopolitan article in which the author, one Allison Ramirez, tried an “experiment” in which she mixed a personalized perfume with a cotton swab she stabbed her vag with and then wore it out on the town, to a bit of success.

I called a cab, threw on a jacket, and the four of us headed to a boozy neighborhood joint. The night was going just as planned with drinks, jokes, and a photo booth session. In the privacy of the photo booth, smiling snaps made way into a drunken kiss and then all of a sudden, teeth! “You bit me!” I yelled between laughs. It was funny, but it also kind of hurt.

“I can’t help it,” he said. “It’s that scent you have.”

The rest of the night was a blur, but his comment and actions were a pretty good indicator that my perfume was working.

Whatever could she mean by “the rest of the night was a blur”…?

So there you have it, proof that sticking your fingers up your business and smearing any resultant fluids on yourself will get you totally laid, right? Well, I’m dubious on this claim. Ramirez didn’t actually do a control test by wearing the perfume without adding in her… uh… eau de minge, so who knows if pheromones played any part in this?

The truth is that, as reported by Science, we don’t actually know if human pheromones exist for sure yet. They probably do, and scent and taste play a role in sexual attraction regardless, but scientists still haven’t even isolated exactly what compounds released by the human body could cause a reaction of arousal, much less if they’re found in the vagina.

Regardless, women and men are both hoping for science to find some sort of shortcut to sexual arousal, it seems. The time-tested method of being an interesting and compelling person to someone with a compatible personality is a lot more work than spraying yourself with a chemical compound that gives every dude you walk past a boner, after all.