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Disney Spends Billions to Buy 21st Century Fox in an Effort to Make Trillions

Disney, officially, runs the world.

On Thursday, Disney spent $52.4 billion to acquire 21st Century Fox. Alright, rich people spend a lot of money to get richer. You don’t care about that. So let me tell you what you do care about:

*Disney now owns ESPN and FoxSports. Basically, they own sports.

*Disney now owns all of Marvel and Stars Wars. All. Of. Marvel. And. Star. Wars. If they want to do a Star Wars prequel featuring Wolverine, they can do it. No one can tell them that they can’t. Geeks will be outraged, but they’ll also spend millions of dollars on the Star Wars Special Edition Wolverine. It wouldn’t shock me if they re-release The Last Jedi in a week with the X-Men and Avengers just appearing for no reason. I joked about a Marvel vs. Star Wars battle the other week. It’s a legitimate reality now. And you can bet your last dollar that Disney will monetize the hell out that. These are the freemium games you’re looking for.

*Disney now owns Family Guy and Simpsons. Is this good or bad? I don’t really know. I stopped watching those shows years ago. I just know that they can re-release the Family Guy Star Wars episodes to include new CGI or something.

*Disney has majority control of Hulu. This will probably end up being meaningless until you get sick of seeing those Disney commercials because you’re too broke to afford the non-commercial version of Hulu. Don’t worry, soon enough, we’ll all be too broke to afford the non-commercial version of Hulu.

The full effect of this deal will be unknown for a few years because it takes awhile for T’s to get crossed and I’s to get dotted. Unless you use a capital I.

Let’s just hope we have the internet speeds and money to take advantage of this awesome acquisition.

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