R. Kelly’s House Robbed, If Only He Didn’t Have A Sex Cult

We haven’t heard much from R. Kelly since he was accused of running a sex cult. He’s out on tour again and the sex cult thing took a backseat to the Hollywood sexual harassment thing. Well, Robert is back in the news and this time, he’s the victim.

Kelly’s two Atlanta homes were robbed while he was on tour in New Orleans. According to the report, the robbers took everything. Except his sex slaves. There was no sign of them. More proof that the whole sex cult thing was false, if you ask me.

The thieves posed as movers and told neighbors that Kelly was moving everything back to Chicago. I’d say this is a genius plan, but I’m pretty sure I saw it on an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The thieves sold various items in Kelly’s home, which included televisions, couches, tables, chairs, and a diamond-encrusted hoodie. A DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED HOODIE?!?!?!?! How do you even wear something like that? I’m a big proponent of hoodies over jackets, but I would not be caught dead in a diamond-encrusted hoodie for fear of getting my ass beat.

The police department said they contacted one person, who purchased $6,000 worth of items from Kelly’s catalogue. So, he/she was the lucky recipient of that diamond-encrusted hoodie.

Alfonso Walker appears to be the mastermind behind this thievery and is now on the run. The report says, “He planned to turn himself in on Tuesday, but hasn’t gotten around to it.” Dude is busy, ok.

This is why R. Kelly should have had a sex cult. None of this would have happened if random women were at Kelly’s place, watching over his things. This story is going to lead to Kelly having that sex cult that he totally never had all these years.

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