Canadian Cops Call for Backup and Cool Ranch Doritos After Getting Too High on Patrol

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Cops raid a marijuana dispensary, take a bunch of edibles, eat those edibles, and then have to call an ambulance because they got so fucked up on their legally stolen weed. According to the CBC, this is just what happened to certified non-genius Constable Vittorio Dominelli and his partner.

The surprising part of this is that it happened in Canada. They’re supposed to be the good country. Every time someone we don’t like gets elected, it’s all “I’m moving to Canada!” Turns out cops are cops wherever you go.

Here’s the situation. Marijuana is legal in Canada for medical purposes, and it will become legal recreationally there in July. You technically have to grow your own marijuana if you want to use it, though, because there’s no system in place to legally sell it. But that hasn’t stopped dispensaries from popping up all over the country.

The police, who are bored because it’s Canada and what the hell else do they have to do, like to raid these dispensaries. It’s like you’re working in a retail store on a slow day but instead of going “time to lean, time to clean,” your boss is going “there haven’t been any actual crimes, go hassle someone for selling pot.” This differs from the American approach to policing which is “that black teenager is probably up to something, let’s make him submit to an illegal search without probable cause. Oh look at that, a teenager has marijuana, better make sure he doesn’t get into college.”

So what are the specifics of this incident, you ask? Police raided the Community Cannabis Clinic in Toronto and took their weed and edibles, which are technically illegal but are also just pot so who cares. Constable Dominelli and his partner grabbed some of the edibles and ate them while they were on duty. And I mean, they ate a lot of them, probably because they didn’t have a shopkeeper who is knowledgeable in this sort of thing to helpfully explain to them just to eat a small amount and not to do it while you’re out policing. I wonder where that person was. Oh yeah, in jail. It turns out the constable and his partner were a couple of real featherweights because they had to call the station for back-up because they were hallucinating.

After their long, strange trip was over, the two officers found themselves suspended and being investigated by the professional standards unit, because it turns out stealing evidence and getting intoxicated on the job isn’t among the best practices for the police. It turns out even police are subject to dumb pot laws.