Dane Cook Has a 19-Year-Old Girlfriend, Which is One Year For Everyone Who Finds Him Funny

Dane Cook is dating a 19-year-old, which means his girlfriend was born after the last time he told a joke that was actually funny. Her name is Kelsi Taylor and she’s a singer because of course she is, she’s 19, hot and has a famous boyfriend. She describes herself as a “singer/songwriter/actress, one with the universe” on her Instagram profile, so she probably belongs with Dane Cook.

The couple has actually been posting pictures of themselves all over social media for a while now, it’s just that no one noticed because she’s not famous and he’s Dane Cook.

See, they spent Christmas together, isn’t that cute?

Thanksgiving, too. Also, Dane Cook is a Patriots fan, just in case you needed another reason to hate him.

I know what you’re thinking. “Shouldn’t we be outraged that Dane Cook is dating a teenager?” Well, you can be. But the President of France married his teacher who had been sleeping with him since he was 17 and her student so I think all bets are off. She’s over the age of consent, so I don’t see the problem. But should we make fun of Dane Cook for it? You’re damn right we should.

Whoops, that last one was about French President Emmaunel Macron.

You know what’s weird? When Dane Cook dates someone 26 years younger than him, we call him creepy and a pedophile and imply he’s a rapist. And yes, I did see people doing all three of those on Twitter and Instagram. When Emmanuel Macron marries a woman 24 years older than him who was his teacher, we make fun of him for having a mommy complex. If Dane Cook is a creepy pedophile, isn’t Brigitte Macron as well?

The way I see it, as long as they’re happy, it’s fine. But we still get to bust on them. Like, when Macron was 17, he said his 40-year-old teacher/girlfriend/mommy was appealing because she was his intellectual equal, and that’s also exactly why Dane Cook dates a 19-year-old dumbass.

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