Donald Trump Is Even Crazier Behind the Scenes, Says New Book

Did you see that tweet President Trump made the other day about the nuclear button that was clearly about his penis? The one that was like “Kim-Jong Un has a tiny Asian nuclear button, but my nuclear button is huge and totally gets hard without button pills, no matter what Melania says.”

Yeah, that one. I thought that would be the craziest thing happening around Trump all week, but it wasn’t even a full day before things got even nuttier as quotes and passages from Michael Wolff’s upcoming book Fire and Fury: Inside The Trump White House started to leak online.

Before we get into these, let’s take what Wolff says here with a grain of salt. People are already disputing quotes attributed to them in the book, and it’s not the first time Wolff; he was accused of inventing and changing quotes in his 1998 book Burn Rate, a tale about the Internet bubble burst of the era.

Donald Trump didn’t even want to be President

Not only did Trump disregard the potential conflicts of his own business deals and real-estate holdings, he audaciously refused to release his tax returns. Why should he? Once he lost, Trump would be both insanely famous and a martyr to Crooked Hillary. His daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared would be international celebrities. Steve Bannon would become the de facto head of the tea-party movement. Kellyanne Conway would be a cable-news star. Melania Trump, who had been assured by her husband that he wouldn’t become president, could return to inconspicuously lunching. Losing would work out for everybody. Losing was winning.

Shortly after 8 p.m. on Election Night, when the unexpected trend — Trump might actually win — seemed confirmed, Don Jr. told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears — and not of joy.

In an excerpt published by New York, Wolff claims that Donald Trump had no intention of actually being the president; he wanted to use the free promotion and stature he’d get from almost being president to launch a Trump TV network. This is something we had heard whispers about during the election. It’s also the plot of an episode of South Park from a few weeks before the election, where Mr. Garrison comes right out and tells people not to vote for him, but Hillary Clinton is such a terrible candidate he can’t lose no matter how awful, incompetent and bigoted he is.

This turns out to be exactly what happened. After rigging the Democratic primary to barely beat a guy who had around 2% name recognition at the beginning of the campaign, Clinton and her team ran a campaign so incompetent that they lost to a campaign that wasn’t even really trying to win.

Hillary Clinton had been running for president since about 1998, and she lost to a guy whose wife was in tears at the prospect of being First Lady, because Trump had told her there was no way he was going to win. They just wanted to use being the runner up to launch their careers in entertainment, and she still lost.

“What a fucking idiot.” – Rupert Murdoch

“Oh, great, just great,” said Trump. “These guys really need my help. Obama was not very favorable to them, too much regulation. This is really an opportunity for me to help them.”

“Donald,” said Murdoch, “for eight years these guys had Obama in their pocket. They practically ran the administration. They don’t need your help.”

“Take this H-1B visa issue. They really need these H-1B visas.”

Murdoch suggested that taking a liberal approach to H-1B visas, which open America’s doors to select immigrants, might be hard to square with his promises to build a wall and close the borders. But Trump seemed unconcerned, assuring Murdoch, “We’ll figure it out.”

“What a fucking idiot,” said Murdoch, shrugging, as he got off the phone.

All Donald Trump really wants is to have smoke blown up his ass. After eight years of Barack Obama doing basically whatever Silicon Valley millionaires asked him to do, Trump was instantly on their side when they told him they needed him to save them from mean old Barack Obama. And Trump didn’t even care if his policies and positions made sense, just as long as people were praising him for them.

“Sally Yates is a cunt” – Donald Trump

Well, even a broken clock is right twice a day. 

Trump likes to f**k his friend’s wives

In an excerpt from the book acquired by the New York Daily News, Donald Trump, who, keep in mind is right now the President of the United States, said that talking his friend’s wives into sleeping with him makes “life worth living.”

A passage of author Michael Wolff’s Washington tell-all, “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House,” describes how Trump would devise calculated plots to get the wives of his friends into bed, using jealousy and revenge as bait.

“In pursuing a friend’s wife, he would try to persuade the wife that her husband was perhaps not what she thought,” reads the passage, a copy of which was obtained by the Daily News.

Trump would then have his secretary ask the husband to stop by his office. Once the husband got in, Trump would subject him to “constant sexual banter” — all while having the wife listen in on the conversation via speakerphone.

“Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better f–k than your wife?” Trump would apparently ask friends. “Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from Los Angeles at three o’clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise.”

Jesus, if he does that to his friends, how does he treat people he doesn’t like?

Oh yeah, like that. How did this guy get elected again?

Oh yeah, like that.

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