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Katy Perry’s Bitcoin Fingernails Lost Half Their Value While She Was Having Them Painted

Oh, honey.

Katy Perry took a break from hating Taylor Swift to reveal her new fingernail art on her Instagram, and she’s gone with symbols for crypto-currency pressed on over piles of American currency. And any day now her fingernails will be worth more than said cryptocurrency. The singer called her new style “crypto claws” in the post. Well, technically she called them CrYpTo ClAwS, but I can only handle so much stupid at one time.

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$—CrYpTo ClAwS—$

A post shared by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on

These are tacky and kind of stupid, but you probably had ALF pogs when you were a kid, so let’s not cast stones for people buying dumb bullshit. But I am all about the comments on this post.

For starters, Instagram user dauhm said “You wouldn’t be able to comprehend the use case & fundamentals of a cryptocurrency is if it smacked you across the back of that thick skull. Let’s stop speaking / posting on things we genuinely know nothing about.” Oh, that comment is better than sex. He’s mad at the pretty singing lady because he feels like she’s undermining his fake internet play money, which is very serious business.

User gocasje said “Mk ultra slave”. Which really isn’t related to cryptocurrency but cracked me up. I guess people buy into this whole conspiracy that Katy Perry is Jon-Bennet Ramsey and was kidnapped by the Illuminati to sing songs about how awesome the Illuminati is, which is as insane as it sounds. MKULTRA was an illegal CIA program experimenting in mind control that didn’t actually work, but it’s always been a favorite of conspiracy cranks.

One user, 4mapartment, had some real advice for Ms Perry, saying “PROTIP: replace LTC with NEO, BTC with BCH and XLM with BTS and you’re good.” Yes, thank you for the heads up on which made-up money is better than other made-up money and I swear to god if someone comes into the comments going “Oh, you know what’s really made up? Fiat currency,” and proceeds to rave about the gold standard or blockchains I’m going to lose my entire damn mind.

offbrandproject said “Smh, how do you expect to grip a lambo with those nails without NEO, EOS and VeChain?!” and I’m not entirely sure if any of that is English but I am pretty sure that offbrandproject is probably going to lose his house when the bitcoin bubble pops.

While everyone is commenting about the cryptocurrency and what it means, no one is really saying that her nails are kind of ugly. Those “coins” appear to be stuck on top of the nails, for starters. These are basically the solid gold toilet of fingernail art.

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Klaus Geltl
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Klaus Geltl

What the hell are you even talking about? Get some humour, you might even like it! Katy Perry is just an awesome woman who enjoys her life to the full and therefore sometimes takes a break from all the serious stuff, but – who are you?

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