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Photographer Terry Richardson Under Rape Investigation

It is truly shocking that Terry Richardson is under investigation for raping a model he was photographing. Excuse me, I’m sorry, I made a typo in that introductory sentence, let me try it again. It is truly shocking that Terry Richardson is only now under investigation for raping a model he was photographing and that he hasn’t been in jail since 1993. But according to The Hollywood Reporter, that is indeed the situation.

You don’t even need to see Terry Richarson’s work, which usually features some half-naked celebrity clinging to him, to think he’s a rapist, you really only have to see his mustache. In light of the decades of rumors of Richardson sexually exploiting models, a raft of major publications blacklisted Richardson when it became clear that associating with him would be harmful for their brand, and not a second before. “Sure, we knew about this shit for twenty years, but now the Harvey Weinstein thing has made it a liability, so we’re taking a firm moral stance before it affects our bottom line. #feminism.”

Seriously, this guy’s nickname is “Uncle Terry,” and he’s clearly the bad touch kind of uncle. So what has Richardson done to attract police attention? Not much, just whipped his dick out, stuck it in a model’s mouth and came on her tits. Presidents hire this guy to take pictures of them. And not just Trump.

The investigation into Richardson apparently stems from an interview former model Caron Bernstein gave to the New York Daily News last month.

He took some photos, positioned her in a chair, took more photos, exposed his penis and forced himself into her mouth, she recalled.

“It was like literally being shot with a stun gun. My brain just went on pause,” Bernstein, 47, said. “I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t performing as a model.”

She asked if she could at least powder herself, but Richardson objected and began snapping with a simple point-and-shoot camera, she said.

As soon as others in the room exited to an outside deck, Richardson moved in close for the alleged assault, ejaculated on her chest and continued to take more photos, she said.

That’s another thing about Richardson. He tends to take photos with those disposable Kodak cameras they leave on the tables at weddings, not professional photographic equipment. Of women sucking his cock. For some reason these photos get published in GQ and held up as high art instead of being relegated to PornHub and the Penthouse forum like literally every other photo of a blowjob ever taken with a disposable camera.

There’s a theory that all of reality as we know it is a computer simulation, and we’re basically just ones and zeroes on some sort of incomprehensibly advanced alien computer. Neil deGrasse Tyson, the director of the Hayden Planetarium and host of Star Talk, says that the odds of this theory being true are about 50-50. The existence of Terry Richardson, some scuzzball with a disposable camera who spent two decades as one of the most sought-after fashion photographers in the world, says to me that we probably aren’t in a computer simulation, because no one would program something so ridiculous into the matrix. Or, if we are the invention of some alien computer nerd, that dude is seriously messing with us.

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